Uncertainty

Uncertainty. It's something that is not pleasing at all. Why? Because you do not know. Not knowing gives you fear. Fear overtakes faith.

Right now, my life is full of uncertainties. I don't know what's going to happen after I graduate in 7 weeks or so. I don't know what I am doing with my personal life.

I guess it doesn't make me depressed but it worries me. Meta-worry (worrying about worrying) kills me also. I am worried that I am worrying about all these uncertainties.

These uncertainties might come from me more than anyone else. I am not confident with myself. I feel like I am not good enough. I don't have high self-esteem or self-confident. Sometimes I feel like it's easier for me to give up on everything because I feel like there is no point in trying when I know (I think I know) that nothing is going to work out. That's why before, I wanted to just drop everything and move to Africa where there are less expectations.

I don't have a solution. I have no clue what is expected of me from God. If I have uncertainties and if I start to get worried about these uncertainties, I am lacking faith for sure. I am not going to lie that I know I am lacking faith right now. I want to be strong. I want to exercise my faith but I don't know what to do. I don't know anything. All I know is that God knows me and loves me. I know that the Savior died for me. I know the truthfulness of the gospel but I don't know or am not sure about anything else.

What am I to do?