August 5, 2008

08-05-08 Tuesday

"This is it... last day [at] the MTC. I leave to LA tomorrow at 5.

"I already packed half of my things and waiting for my laundry to be done.

"...After lunch, we came back to the classroom to get our jackets and [Hermano] Salmon left us some notes. Mine is on the back cover of 3rd journal.

"...I am afraid. I [am] not afraid to go to LA. I am not afraid to speak Spanish, but I am afraid [that] I will never see everyone in my district again. Hermana Smith, Hermana Colgan, Elder Kim, Elder Arnold, Elder Heaps, Elder Gardner, Hermano Salmon, and Hermana Summers. I hate goodbyes. I don't want to say goodbyes. I don't want this to end. I really don't.

"After walking around everywhere and packing, we went to the TE building and said goodbye to [Hermano] Johnston. Then we met [Hermana] Summers. She said she is going to write letters to us so she wanted to meet us in the classroom.

"...After the Devotional and District Devotional Review, we got everyone in the zone to come to our classroom and sang "God Be With You Till We Meet [Again]" in Spanish. Hermano Salmon actually came too! He ran from the temple and made just in time. It was amazing. I loved it.

"Afterward, we said goodbyes to Hermanas. [Hermana] Smith was crying. I wanted to give her a hug so bad. I know we will see each other again.

"Right now it's 11:30. I have to wake up at 4. I wrote on Elder Campbell's journal and [Elder] Ridge's. I know they are going to be great missionaries.

"I hate goodbyes. I hate them so much. Why can't we just stay together forever? Why do we have to meet amazing people then go away? I hate this feeling of leaving them. I hate goodbyes because I feel like I will never see them again. Will I see everyone again? Will I be able to keep in [touch] with them? ...I already miss them. I know I will cry as I leave the MTC. I just know...

"This is the last page of this journal and last day [at] the MTC. Tomorrow is the beginning of my journal, my mission, and everything...."

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August 02, 2008

08-02-08 Saturday

"So today, Hermana Summers didn't show up [to class] because she's sick but we got to see [Hermana] Crosby's mission pictures. (Side-note: she got engaged! Hermano Kinsey propsed to her) Now I am so stoked to go out there now because people there are my kind of people: kind, generous, humble, and super awesome!

"Mission home looked so cool, and LA Temple is the second biggest temple! I can't wait to go to LA now. I am so stoked! I am still a little nervous but I am way more excited.

"They have ice cream trucks going back and forth every [five] min. People feed you as if you are pigs. They would just give you anything you [want]. Oh man, I can't wait!

"I can't wait to meet my mission president [and] his wife. [Hermana] Crosby said [that] they are so awesome and advised [us] to be obedient. Of course!"

I remember this day because I was really excited about going to the mission field. We already got our flight plans and were leaving in four days. All of us were really excited. And that ice cream truck thing is SO true! They do go by every five minutes. Way annoying...

Hermana Crosby did marry Hermano Kinsey. My first area was one of her areas so she asked me to send her a copy of the ward directory so she can send wedding invitations to the members.

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What the creation of God made me think

August 12, 2010 Thursday

"Opposite compliment each other. When God created everything, He created light and it was good because it separated from the dark. Existence of both shows the beauty of them. Without one, there's no existence of the other. The relationship of the two makes the reality and their existence. Not necessarily they are opposite but because they form an amazing relationship that brings out their uniqueness.

"Same for us. I don't believe in 'opposition' anymore because how do we determine what is the opposite of what? For example, male and female; how are they opposite? What is the meaning of opposite? We are different but the differences in us show our characters. We can't say males are on one end and females on the other just because we are different physically and psychologically. What if we are the same? We are all humans. In this paradigm, we are not opposites; we are the same.

"It's all relationship. You and I have a relationship and that determine my and your existences. Just like light and darkness; one exists because the other exists.

"Why are sin, evil, temptation, greed, pain, Satan, etc bad? If my statement above is true then essentially aren't they 'good' because they bring out forgiveness, good, happiness, selflessness, joy, Christ, etc? Essentially aren't they all one? They are all connected. If you disregard one that you think is 'bad,' you disregard 'good' also. No one can define 'good' and 'bad' but if you do then you are limiting yourself from the world. If you go through your life not experiencing 'bad' then perhaps you will never know 'good.'

"One more thought: God thought that Earth was beautiful when the Earth was filled with His creations. Isn't the land beautiful by itself without plants? Maybe not to us but God's creation is beautiful of its own. Perhaps beauty is something unique or something different. One cannot be beautiful by itself. It needs to be compared. Anyone would deny that beauty comes from comparing but it is! You find something unique about it. Something different. To find it, you compare. There's no escaping the relationship of everything"

Do I care if all of you think I am crazy? No, not at all. You define crazy for me then I will let you know if I am crazy or not. Just because I think about the things that you've never had or believing everything I say, doesn't mean that I am crazy. I don't know. I could be wrong about all this but I still do believe that we are all connected and you can't exist without me and I can't exist without you.

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July 24, 2008

07-24-08 Thursday

"...Every teaching I had to do, I could feel the Holy Ghost so strongly. When [we were] teaching [Hermana] Summers as an 8 year-old girl the Law of Chastity, I felt the Holy Ghost so strong that I actually thought of her as an 8 year-old girl. Also when [we were] teaching [Elder] Arnold, he asked me bunch of things about the facsimiles in the book of Abraham. I told him I don't know everything but God knows everything and that he should pray to God with faith; however, I know that everything-the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price-is true. I have never felt the Spirit so strong... Then I had a flashback of John: how he asked me the same question and I didn't know what to say. I really wished I knew what to say to John. For the longest time, I kept thinking about him and wishing I could have said the same thing I told [Elder] Arnold to John. I guess [Hermana] Summers noticed something wrong with me. (If she didn't, I would [have been] surprised) because she wanted to talk to me. She asked me what's up and I told her how I had a flashback and everything. She said sometimes it's OK to let go, meaning it's OK to cry. I didn't but I really felt like it though...

"During RC, I talked to so many people who were nice. Second person I talked to was an African American who lives in Norfolk, VA. He wanted a Lamb of God video and talked about how he met with missionaries a few times but he was out on his boat for a few weeks/months that he lost contact [with them]. I sent him missionaries and expressed to him how happy I was that he's meeting with the missionaries. He said, 'I know you are happy! I can hear in your voice!' I hope he gets baptized.

"Another phone call was from a lady. At first, she asked for my name and I told her then she said, 'Kyoo, God bless you.' So I told her, 'God bless you for calling.' She just bursted out laughing. Then when I asked her for address, she said, 'now Kyoo, you are not flirting with me, are you?' I was like, 'What?' Then she said she was just teasing me. Even though she didn't want missionaries to visit her, I will pray someday she will receive the gospel."

Oh, John... He was one of my roommates in my first semester at BYU. He was not a member of the Church but he met with the missionaries few times until they gave up on him. Ian and I talked to him few times and he asked us a lot of questions. One of the questions was exactly what Elder Arnold asked us. As soon as he asked me that question, I thought of John. I really wish I knew as much as I do now because I could've helped him but I couldn't... I should've taken seminary more seriously. I should've the scripture study more seriously. When I was needed, I was useless. Guilt and regret swept over me then and they still do now. I will have to live with these feelings for a long time and I won't be able to forgive myself for that. Don't ever repeat what I've done or what I didn't do...

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Correct teaching?

August 8, 2010 Sunday

"So in sacrament meeting, a speaker said that we must teach the doctrine but if you teach your opinion, controversial topics, etc, you are not a good teacher. But! If we receive different revelations from one scripture, aren't we all correct? We must because we've been taught that if I read a scripture in different time, I can receive different meanings, then I can't teach a class with my 'opinion' or personal revelation nor can I teach a controversial topics. We all have different 'opinions' but that's up to our [relationship] with our Father in Heaven. Our situation and our relationship with Him will enlighten our minds from the scripture. Maybe there is no right answers in the Church. Maybe we receive these personal revelations to develop our relationship with Him because that's all it matters at the end: what kind of relationship you have; however, it's not just you and Him but if you have the relationship, you also have the relationship with everyone else."

Let's say you think you have a great relationship with Heavenly Father. You would do anything to show Him how much you love Him and would do anything for Him. Now, the greatest commandment of all times is love God and the next is love your neighbor. I see them as the same commandment because if you love God, you have to love everyone else. If you love everyone else, you love God. In the scriptures we read over and over again that if we serve others, we are only serving God. Think about that. Why is that? Because all of us, including God, are so interconnected. We can't live without another and neither can God be God without us. Perhaps I can't be "I" without everyone else, you can't be "you" without everyone else, and God can't be God without all of us. How much are we connected to one another? Joseph Smith said that the dead can't receive exaltation without us and neither can we receive exaltation without them. If that's true, we can't receive the greatest gift of God without all of us receiving the same gift. Also God's work and glory is to bring to pass immortality and eternal life of man, but if we don't get those then God's work and glory have failed meaning that He, Himself, can't be God. Pretty mind blowing but just remember always that I am not telling you to believe me. You can believe whatever you want but sometimes consider the alternative. Stop thinking your way is always right because you might be wrong. Heck, I could be wrong.

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July 17, 2008

07-17-08 Thursday

"During my personal study, I read 2 Nephi 26 and 27. [Chapter] 26 [verses] 27 [and] 28 say that the Lord commanded His people to persuade all men to repentance and that everyone has a privilege to partake of His goodness.

"Everyone has a privilege to partake of the goodness of the Lord and I am to persuade all men to repentance so that they can partake of the goodness.

[Chapter] 27:24 says the Lord is a God of Miracles and performs miracles even today; however, He works according to the faith of His people.

"During Teaching Evaluation with Hermano Johnston, he was an investigator who was interested in the Church. He believes in everything we "taught;" however, did not pray to know it's true because he doesn't see the point of praying. He also didn't understand why he needed to know about Joseph Smith.

"We asked tons of questions to find out how he felt about the gospel and the Church. I learned that I need to know how much the investigators know and understand what I have taught. If we want to move on with the teachings, we have to understand how much the investigators know.

"'A quality life is one that positively influences others and makes the world around a better place in which to live. A quality life is me that is constantly growing, expanding its horizons and enlarging its borders. A quality life is one that is filled with love and loyalty, patience and perseverance, kindness and compassion. A quality life is one that is based on external potential and now confined to this life only. A quality life is well lived.' -M Russell Ballard-

"[Referral Center] was fun. Almost at the end, I got a chat, and this guy said he was sad because it feels like God is not answering his prayers. I told him that God works in His time, not ours and that I have felt the same way before but He always answers our prayers. I also sent him a link to a talk by one of the Apostles. I really hope he will understand that the answers can be 'no'

"During [Hermano] [Salmon]'s class, we had a TE to practice resolving/finding our investigator's concerns. I was prompted to take 'A Proclamation to the World' and I sooooooo used it. Our 'investigator' felt like his wife doesn't love him anymore. We used the pamphlet well but we needed to connect it to the Restoration.

"Since Monday, Elder Gardner, Elder Campbell, Elder Ridge and I have been doing ab workout. It's only 8 [minutes] long but it's pretty effective. Why am I doing it? Honestly I want 6-8 packs but I also do to keep in shape. I don't want to be too fat.

"I love my district. I thought about how I'll feel when I leave to LA. I'll be leaving [Hermanas] Colgan and Smith and my teachers, [Hermana] Summers and [Hermano] Salmon. It's really depressing to think [that] I won't see them for 22 months. I really hope we all will see each other again..."

I laughed when I wrote "6-8" packs here because look at me now. What 6-8 packs? hahaha

This was a long entry but I really feel like I wrote what I needed to write.

We had less than 4 weeks together and I was a little sad thinking about leaving the sisters at the MTC and about not being able to see all of them. Of course, I met the teachers and the sisters already but what about few years from now? Will we keep in touch with each other? I guess that's the beauty of technology. :)

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July 16, 2008

I've been trying to figure out which entry I should write but most of them are kind of way too personal for me or personal information of other people so unless I have their consent, I won't write them.

07-16-08 Wednesday

"Daniel 3:17-18 show so much faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. They say that the Lord will save them but they also say even if the Lord doesn't save them, they will not disobey the commandments of God.

Always have faith and strive to keep the commandments of God. He may let trials come in our lives but at the end, we will be saved if we have faith.

[Doctrine and Covenants] 60:13 warns us not to waste our time on our mission and tells us to use our talents. We are here to "preach to the wicked" and this is the Lord's time.

What are some blessings and miracles I had or [saw] today? It is a miracle to be here [at] the MTC. It's a miracle to be in 51 B district. It's a blessing to know [Hermanas] Smith and Colgan. It's a blessing to see their smiles everyday and laugh. Blessings and Miracles are everywhere. You just need to recognize them. If you don't see one, you are expecting too much such as walking on water or healing the sick.

So today many things happened. Elder Gardner can't look people in the [eye] so [Hermana] Smith kept making funny faces and looked at him. He couldn't even look at her because it was so funny..."

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July 1, 2008

Korean Speaking missionaries (on top)

07-01-08 Tuesday

"Oh man, talk about humility! Today we had a [Teaching Evaluation] with Hermana Summers and man, did she chastise us. WE just went in there thinking that we are going to teach three principles in Spanish perfectly. We did horrible and she told us that we didn't teach by the Spirit! Double slaps in the face!

We got chastised so much that I was so humbled by it. I realized that I shouldn't worry about Spanish so much because Spanish will come. I need to think and learn how I can teach by the Spirit.

'Successful people are willing to do what unsuccessful people aren't willing to do'

[Joseph Smith History] 1:24-25. Apostle Paul and Joseph Smith both saw [Jesus Christ]. But for what they saw, they were persecuted. We will also be persecuted for what we believe. We, however, will go on."

Great teachers always want the best for their students so it was really awesome that Hermana Summers told us straight on what we needed to work on. Elder Gardner and I always worked on teaching by the Spirit on our mission and teaching according to people's needs.

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Late night thought...

I wasn't going to write anything today but it seems like I am writing something. Who knows what it is. I am just typing whatever is coming to my head.

So tomorrow is sunday and it's fast Sunday. We will be hearing different people's testimonies and feel the Spirit. Testimonies... That's eventually how I gained my testimony. I always felt something different during the fast and testimony meetings. I always felt that "burning in the bosom" as everyone talks about. I've never realized that that feeling was the Holy Ghost because I felt it before I got baptized. I just thought it was one of those moments when I just feel it. It wasn't anything special until I made that connection.

I don't know why everything has to relate to Psychology but I am starting to think in Psychological way. We always make connections to understand something new. I don't know how it begins but once it starts, you always make that connection. For example, let's say you learn what a mango is. You first associate it with color, shape, taste, etc then it becomes a "mango": a new categorized fruit. That's how things work... or do they? I will let you decide on that because I have my own thoughts about it.

Anyways, going back to whatever my "mind" was thinking. (Like the mind has its own volition) Nothing really comes to my mind right now except one "thing." What that "thing" is is something I will keep to myself for now but maybe some of you will figure out "what" "it" is. It's like when Pilate asked Jesus Christ, "What is truth?" instead he should have asked, "Who is truth?" because the Truth was standing right in front of him. But whatever I am saying, you will know what I am talking about if you understand me. Who does? I don't even understand myself. :)

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June 30, 2008

06-30-08

"On Sunday, we took a picture as a zone at the temple. I love my zone. Elder Decato and Elder Stone are leaving tomorrow. They are so funny. I will have to print some pictures soon so I will have pictures of them.

President Ortiz said during leadership training that having charity is only difficult if you make it difficult.

Remember good things others do, not the bad things.

...I finally read those verses that talk about [the] characteristics of Captain Moroni. Alma 48:11-13. It's really awesome. It's really sweet to know that I am blessed with those characteristics.

Tomorrow, Elder Decato and Elder Stone are leaving and I am really sad. I only got to know them for a short period [of] time. I wish I get to meet them again after mission.

I got a letter from Ian last [Saturday] or [Friday]. He's going to Porto Alegre, Brazil! He's going into [the] Brazil MTC on Oct 29. I won't see him for so long!

I gotta go to bed but before I do, I have to say today was crazy! We had an English fast as a district and it was so hard but I learned so much today."

The first picture is a picture of Elder Decato. Now you know why I loved him so much. Next one is a picture of Elder Gardner and me with Elder Decato and Elder Stone. Last one is a Zone picture minus some elders who were wondering around.

Oh, and the thing about Captain Moroni is from my Patriarchal blessing that's why I needed to look that up to "engrave" his characteristics into myself.

I still miss Ian. HE won't be home for another three months. :(

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June 23, 2008

06-23-08 Monday

"Today Elder Gardner and I went to BYU alteration. Yes, we did leave the MTC to get there. It was a fun trip.

When we came back, we started to study since we missed [gym]. While we were studying outside, Hermana Summers walked up to us and asked us if we had any [pain relievers]. We said, "no," but before the class started, we went and bought some [pain relievers] for her...

In her class, she told us to write a letter to ourselves. I hope I will get to read it later. Hermana Summers said [that] she's going to send us our letters. I can't wait to read my letter.

Because new mission presidents are meeting with their missionaries, we got kicked out of our room so we decided to go to RC. It was actually pretty fun. We got tons of inbound calls and my favorite one is this lady who called to find out the phone number [of] the Church Headquarters. She said that [the] Church in her area did some service in her community and she was so grateful that she wanted to call the Headquarters to say thank you. However, since I don't know the number and can't give her the number, I gave her the number of the Church in her area.

She was so nice. I hope she will want to join [the] Church."

As I was writing this, I remembered this day. Elder Gardner had to get his baptism pants fixed so we got to go to the BYU laundry room to get it fixed. They said they were going to send it to him and they did.

I remember going to the BYU bookstore after talking to Hermana or Sister (for some people who don't speak Spanish) Summer and trying to figure out which pain reliever we should get. I think we decided to get two different kinds or something. hahaha

I also remember when the MTC was so packed with new mission presidents and the General Authorities. They blocked off half of the cafeteria so the missionaries had to stand in long lines while all the "important" (hahaha jk they are important) people got super nice meals in most etiquette way without lines. That must've been really nice, I bet.

Also the lady at the RC. For those who don't know what RC is, RC is where people call the number on the commercial on TV and we answer them. We also do chatting online when they get on through Mormon.org. It's pretty fun and the only real "missionary" experience at the MTC. I don't know if they still have that.

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Education for naught?

Don't get too surprised to read this.

July 30, 2010

"I just realized something weird. I am sitting in Physical Science class thinking about where I am. Looking from a different view. Everyone here is sitting down in a classroom listening to a professor about other planets and I look at the clock, 10:52 and seconds passing. What is so weird about this? I don't know. I just had a weird feeling. Tons of people listening to one person to gain 'knowledge.' What makes him so respected? Why do we listen to him? Why are we all here? We are all from different places; yet, here we are.
All of us are parts of the universe. What makes us so special that we are on Earth, in the US, in Utah, and at BYU? Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why learn? Why learn from the same human being? Don't we all have the ability to learn the same thing on our own?
What is the purpose of learning of earthly things when the universe is so large and things might be different in other worlds? What are they learning there? Could position symmetry apply? What we are learning only limits ourselves from thinking more because we think this is all there is. But it's not! what we learn only limits us. This is what I needed to figure out! Our 'knowledge' limits us."

I know some of you or many of you will disagree with me. That's fine. I want you to. If you agree with me, it's the same as sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher and agreeing with him/her. However, if you disagree, you will think more and figure out why I am wrong. You will learn more about yourself than by agreeing with me. Perhaps chaos isn't really that bad after all. :)
But to prove my point, just think about all the classes. You sit in a class, listen, read textbooks, then take tests. Tests are to test your "knowledge" that you obtained in the class. What "knowledge" did you gain? You just got someone's opinion on something and you will never know if it really is true or not but trust the person that it is. That's all our "knowledge" is: someone's opinion. Of course, like I said before, you can disagree with me.
Think of a little kid, he/she always wonders "why?" We stopped that sometime in growing process. Maybe when we started school. We always have learned to listen to the teachers and do as they say. Kids look up to their teachers because they know "everything." With that in mind, we start to really believe that teachers know everything. Now here we are, listening and believing everything that teachers say. Just because they say it, doesn't make it true, does it? Chew on that little bit. :)

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June 18, 2008

06-18-08

"2 weeks at the MTC.

How can I describe such joy, such happiness! The hymns we sang today in the classroom were amazing. We all chose our favorite hymns and sang together. The hymns we sang brought the Spirit into our hearts and stayed. This day will never be forgotten.

Also Hermana Smith needed a blessing which Elder Kim gave. I cannot describe the feeling and the Spirit I felt.

I learn from everyone in my district. My testimony grows because of others' testimonies. I learned to love them with all my heart...

I really can't describe how great my district is. I really love each one of them for their testimonies and their love for each other. The Lord didn't call me to bless them; He called me so that they can bless me. I know everyone in my district will be great missionaries and they will go out, preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ and bring joy of the gospel to the world. As they share their testimonies, people will know that they are the missionaries of Jesus Christ, and no one will deny that this is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints..."

One thing I realized as I was writing this was that somehow my pronounces had changed from "I" to "we" later on my mission. I guess it's because I never did anything by myself and it seemed like as a companionship, we felt the same, thought the same and did everything together. Now I am trying to go back to "I" from "we" and it's so weird to not write as "we."

When I wrote that entry, it was only a second week at the MTC but really my district loved each other. I don't know if there were any group that I was a part of that developed such love so quick. It definitely was the tender mercy of the Lord to put us all together.

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First Sunday at the MTC

06-08-08 Sunday

"When the other elders told us that the sacrament meeting is in Spanish, I was worried a little but it really wasn't. We sang hymns in Spanish, prayed in Spanish, blessed the sacrament in Spanish, and gave talks in Spanish for five minutes but the announcements and the talk by the bishopric weren't.

I had my first branch council/leadership meeting. They were pretty much like the ones I had as a deacons' and teachers' quorum president and priests' quorum first counselor. I am very grateful for the opportunities I had to serve as a leader in Macomb ward because it has prepared me to become a great D.L.

District meeting was fun. It was a lot like the meeting I had as a deacon, teacher, and a priest.

I loved how we sang four hymns in the beginning of the fireside..."

That was my first sunday at the MTC. I was pretty scared that I wouldn't be able to understand anything but it wasn't too bad. I put some pictures of my district at the MTC because they are AWESOME!

Definitely the quorum service in Macomb did NOT prepare me for the mission because I was like the only member in each of the quorums. I didn't do anything. I remember going to BYC (Bishop Youth Committee) and reporting to them, "My quorum has 100% attendance right now" because I am the only one. hahaha

I loved being a district leader at the MTC because I got to know everyone pretty well. I think that's the only thing I liked about being a DL. :)

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Holistic Monism

"I finally understand the holistic monism. It's like this, people say that they can't live without their halves (talking about their spouses). According to what they said, they would still have the other halves. The holistic monism is like what the scriptures teach us; Adam and Eve were ONE so are the Father in Heaven and His Eternal Companion. Without one, there's nothing."

Why is this important to me? Why was I thinking about this? I don't know. "Holistic Monism" is from my Psychology class but it applies to everything, especially to what I said. I think that's what true love is perhaps: you can't live with out someone who makes you whole. Why does that matter to me now? I don't know...

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First one

This is my first blog and I will be writing some of my mission experiences from my journals with my new thought and some of my thoughts as the days go by.

The picture is of my first roommates at the MTC. Me, Elder Stuart Gardner, Elder Wontak (Jimmy) Kim, and Elder AJ Heaps.

"...I finally made it to the MTC.

My companion's name is Elder Gardner and I share a room with him, Elder Heaps, and Elder Kim. Elder Kim is from South Korea.

Jordan picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at the MTC.

Tess and her friend, Brandon came to say goodbye. They stayed through the presentations. Tess gave me a letter and with it she gave me $20. I was surprised to see $20 but I cannot accept it. I will sen her back the money.

I became a district leader for a few weeks. It will be fun to figure out what I need to do to fulfill my calling.

I met Elder Will Valdez. He's from Franklin ward. He has broken his knee so he will be staying for few more weeks.

Everything went pretty smoothly. I am going to love learning Spanish!" -June 4, 2008-

I didn't really write too much about how I felt and just stated facts back then. I think that's why I need to write my thoughts after writing excerpts from my journals. It was pretty exciting day for me because when I found out that my companion is Elder Gardner, I thought of a missionary who taught my family and baptized us. I think that's why I loved and still love Elder Gardner so much.

I really had no idea what to expect at the MTC. I didn't have anybody to tell me what it was like. My brother who went into the MTC five months before I did didn't tell me anything so I just had to find out on my own.

I definitely loved the food... in the beginning. Everything was so new but excitement took over the nervousness...

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