A Particle of Faith (Updated)

I would like to tell you a story about myself. My family and I moved to the US when I was 13. I didn’t speak English at all but we somehow managed to join the Church a few months after moving here.
When I got baptized, I didn't know much about the Church. I even hated going to church and three hours of church were torture. However, as I started to make friends, I loved going to church just so that I could hang out with friends.

In the Church, we focus on “studying” the scriptures. We talk about how we shouldn’t merely read the scriptures but dive into them and try to understand the gospel and God’s will for us. However, for a young boy who didn’t speak English, I could care less about that. Maybe, you would say that I lacked faith, and that’s OK.

I never voluntarily read the scriptures to know that the Church and the teachings of the Church were true; although, I never doubted that they were true. Maybe I was too young or naïve not to question things of the Church. Maybe it was a blessing and a gift from God.

When I was first motivated to read the scriptures, was during seminary. My seminary teacher gave his students a prize every year if we attended seminary, memorized all the scripture masteries, and read the entire book of that year. I, of course, being an overachiever (and Asian) did all those things.

However, I can't say that I really studied the scriptures during those years but I just read them to say that I read all of them. I only had enough faith to read the scriptures. Perhaps, it was the same with attending church and doing other church related things. I only had enough faith to merely go through the motions.

What came out of just going through the motions is amazing, though. My last year in high school, we were studying Doctrine and Covenants. I was once again just reading the scriptures when I came across these verses:

"And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
"For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—
"That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God." (Doctrine and Covenants 76:22-24)

These verses hit me so hard! All the things I learned at church just connected like chains. I knew they were true. I knew that Joseph Smith was truly called of God and that the Book of Mormon was true. I was merely reading the scriptures but I still got a strong confirmation from the Holy Ghost.

Alma 32:27 states, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."

Missionaries ask people they teach to do exactly this! Experiment! Exercise just a particle of faith! Some people have enough faith to read the entire chapter after the first appointment. Some only have enough faith to read a pamphlet. Some, enough to only pray. It doesn’t matter as long as they are exercising their faith.

One day you will find yourself not having enough faith to go on; to study the scriptures or pray like you once did. However, Alma invites us to exercise a particle of faith; even if that means that you only have enough faith to read one verse a day. So if you find yourself in that situation where you only have enough faith to read a verse or to say, “Father, I can’t do this,” do it. Whatever you can muster, whatever you can do at that moment, just do it. As I was blessed with an amazing experience for my small effort, you will also receive the same blessing of feeling God’s love for you. “Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea.” (Alma 32:29)

My faith was increased through that experience. I can’t say that I really studied the scriptures after that; however, my testimony has grown. This also doesn’t mean that I didn’t struggle from time to time. We all have trials. We have good days and bad days. What makes bad days bearable is when we exercise our faith and do what is right. I can’t think of a bad day when I felt worse by reading the scriptures or praying.

“Because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure.” (Alma 32:42)

Brothers and sisters, this fruit, explained by Elder Bednar, is the blessings of the Atonement of the Savior. As you hold on to the iron rod, the word of God, and continue forward, you will experience the blessings of the Atonement, even the eternal life.

Let us all press forward with whatever faith that we have. The road toward the fruit will bring you happiness and life eternal. If you only have enough faith to face the right direction, that’s a good start. Now, please hold on to the rod given to you and take a step forward toward the direction you are facing.

God loves you even when you don’t feel like He does. He loves you and always has and always will. Please, take the seed, plant it, and nourish it. He will bless you more than you realize or you can recognize. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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Opposition: Good and Evil/Yin and Yang

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things... Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.
"And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." (2 Nephi 2:11, 13)

I have written a few posts related to this topic of an opposition in all things; however, today I want to dedicate this post completely on this topic.

The Book of Mormon teaches that there is an opposition in all things as you can read from two verses above. Without the existence of one, there is no existence of the other. Simply put, if there is evil, there is no good. How would you state that something is good when there is nothing to compare?

Let's think about Adam and Eve: they were in their innocence not knowing good or evil. If Adam and Eve were never tempted, they would have stayed in that state and we would not have the opportunity to come to this earth. We need both good and evil and that is just the way life is.

On one of the posts under Related Posts, I have said this, "We believe in opposition in all things, right? If we believe that we have to experience sorrow to know happiness, why do we try so hard to push sorrow away from our lives?"

Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, a professor of Psychology, at the University of Toronto talks about Yin and Yang in one of his YouTube videos. Yin and Yang, as you know, symbolize good and evil, chaos and order, etc. The importance of this symbol is that both white and black share the same space without one overcoming the other. Moreover, you see a white and black dot in each other's area.

What does this mean? Dr. Peterson, and I as well, believes that mental illness develops through too much of one of these two things. Yes, too much of good/order is bad. There has to be a balance between the two. Also, he states that chaos can turn into order and order turn into chaos as symbolized with the dots. The meaningful life can be found on the border of chaos and order.

What does this have to do with the gospel? EVERYTHING. In the LDS culture, it seems to me that many people seek order. That's a given. We want a happy life, we believe that the gospel brings us happiness, we want to be perfect, we don't want to make a mistake, we want to love others, etc. We NEVER want to make mistakes, to repent, to feel hatred toward others, to feel the influence of Satan, to feel like there is something lacking with our testimony, etc. I understand that you want to be good; however, perhaps you are getting yourself too much into order and it's turning into chaos.

What then can we do to balance the two? While you do your best to become a perfect, charitable person, recognize that you are a human being. You make mistakes, you can have ill feelings toward others, you can feel your testimony dwindle, etc. It's OK. Life isn't over. This is the time when you have to change/put your other foot in chaos and make some changes. (Yes, chaos doesn't necessarily mean evil.) You can change your routine of scripture study, change the way you pray, change what you pray for, change the way of thinking, etc. People need to change all the time to survive.

Lastly, I want to point out the life of the Savior. He was a perfect Being who obeyed all the commandments of the Father; however, was His life "perfect," without problems/sadness? No, and you know that. He was mocked by His own people, was betrayed by one of His best friends, saw His friend die, bled at every pore of His body, was crucified with nails into his hands and feet, and was forsaken by His Father and was left utterly alone. He became the Savior, the Christ, because He experienced all these things. If you want to be like Christ, don't run away from chaos, mistakes, or trials. Let them be a part of your life so that you can become a better, newer, ever changing person.

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The Hand of God

Usually, on Saturdays, we get up and go to the Smith Fieldhouse to run/walk around the indoor track. However, it takes a lot of motivation (or just Emma slapping our face or squeezing our nose) to get out bed when we all want to stay in bed.

Last Saturday, September 24, it was raining. The temperature has finally gone down enough that we didn't need to turn on the A/C overnight and we were cozy and warm in our bed. We contemplated whether we should go running or not but decided that we should.

It was just a normal Saturday morning for us; we all got dressed and put some warmer clothes on Emma and a blanket over her in the car seat. We all hopped in the car and started to pull out of the driveway.

But something was different today. As we waited for all for the road to clear before pulling out, we noticed a woman waiting at the bus stop which was in front of a house next to ours. She was actually walking toward us. We didn't think much of it since we just thought that she was waiting for the bus. However, when we completely pulled out of the driveway and were on the road, she approached our car. I rolled down the window of the passenger seat (Alysha's side, which now I think about it, I am pretty sure Alysha got rained on due to the open window. Sorry, Alysha) and this woman started to speak with her broken English but quickly changed to Spanish. I understood enough that she needed a ride to the D.I.

We chatted a little bit on the way to the D.I. She told me that she's from Peru and that for some reason, the bus wasn't coming and she needed to be at work in 10 minutes. She was so grateful for the ride and also commented how pretty Emma is.

After giving this sister a ride, we headed to the Smith Fieldhouse to find out that there was PowWow going on and we decided that it would be impossible to run around the track so we headed home.

We were so grateful for the opportunity to serve this sister and also the Father in Heaven. I am grateful that we were able to answer her prayer and that we motivated ourselves to go work out even though we didn't get to. It didn't matter to us that we didn't work out. We were filled with gratitude and marveled at the tender mercies of the Lord.

"...when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland-

I hope that we all can be instruments in the hand of God and become His ministering angels.

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Hymns: Peace to Our Little Emma

Not too long ago, Alysha told me that she plays some of Mormon Tabernacle Choir songs to calm Emma down. I can't remember if it was her idea or I just decided to do it but I started singing hymns to Emma at night so that she would fall asleep.

I started with "I am a Child of God" and she loved it! She became very calm and started to fall asleep in my arms. Perhaps, it's just because she is tired. However, last night for some reason, she just started wailing! It was as if she was really scared/terrified of something. I just took her and do the same thing that we always do to put her to sleep: bouncing on the exercise ball and turn off all the lights.

She becomes more and more
Asian when she gets tired.

She was still crying and very fussy but when I started singing "I am a Child of God," she was calming down but still fussy. I continued singing hymns for a while and she fell asleep (not for long but she wasn't fussy anymore.) I think it is so cool that this little human would feel the Spirit and would receive peace from it. Some may argue that it's the sound of the song that she enjoys. I doubt that. I don't enjoy my own voice when I sing so I don't think she is enjoying it either. However, it really is the Holy Ghost that she feels when I sing and I feel it too.

"The singing of hymns is one of the best ways to put ourselves in tune with the Spirit of the Lord." -Elder Dallin H. Oaks-

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"Help Thou Mine Unbelief"

An excerpt from Thursday, March 6, 2014:

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." -Mark 9:23-24-

I believe in the Father and His Son. I believe that They are guiding me each day. I believe that They will provide a way for me to accomplish Their will for me. I don't fully comprehend or fully believe how or why things don't work out. I have doubts at times. However, this father of the child with a "dumb spirit" asked the Lord to help him believe more than he does, trust Him more, and draw on the powers of heaven. He has given his weakness to the Lord to be strong. Then what did the Lord do? He blessed this father for his humility, faith and honesty.

When we do our best, give our best to the Lord, He does not turn us away but blesses us. However, we must acknowledge our limitations and ask Him to help us do more, become more, or believe more. He does not expect us to be perfect on our own; He expects us to be perfect through Him.

Elder Holland gave a talk based on that story. He invited us to hold onto what we know when trials and doubts come. Also, we need to acknowledge what we do not know and should ask for help. There are so many profound concepts and quotes, and I wish to write some:

"...imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it."

"Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe."

All things are possible when you believe, even the increase of your faith. When you focus on what you know during times of concerns and doubts, the Lord can bless you with a sure knowledge and will enlighten you because of your faith. What you didn't believe, what you didn't know will become clear and sure.

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Possibility & Tender Mercy

An excerpt from Sunday, February 16, 2014:

"Isn't it interesting how we meet people? Out of [7 billion people], we meet certain people then become their friends. Also, in our life time, we meet them at a certain time period. We could have passed by each other so many times before, not noticing each other. However a certain event has brought us together to get to know each other, build a relationship with each other, to learn from each other, and to strengthen each other. That truly is a tender mercy of the Lord."

What is the possibility of meeting someone? There are 8765.81 hours in a year. There are about 7.144 billion people in the world. So it's about 1:62.6 trillion to meet someone in an hour.

You have friends. You have met them at some point in your life. You could have passed by them many times until that one moment that brought you two together. A coincidence? A tender mercy of the Lord? I would like to think that there was a hand of the Lord in meeting people in my life because I would not be who I am without meeting all these people.

Now getting into the gospel, think about how you could influence someone for good today. You will run into someone (someone you know or someone you don't know). It may not be 1:62.6 trillion chance to meet that person; however, the chance still would be slim. But you are there and so is that person. What are you going to do? What will you say?

"And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
"And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!" (Doctrine and Covenants 18:15&16)

These verses mean different to you now thinking about the possibility of meeting that one soul and helping him/her come unto Christ. The Lord has put you and that person on the same path at that time to run into each other, to get to know each other, and to influence each other. It wasn't a coincidence that you met that person. Now, let's say that through this tender mercy, you were able to bring that person unto the Lord. How great will your joy be knowing that you have taken that crazy "chance" to say what you know to be true and then he/she felt the Holy Ghost that brought him/her (back) to Christ?

"To every man there comes in his lifetime that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for that which would be his finest hour." -Sir Winston Churchill-

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The War Continues

Captain Moroni has always been one of my favorite Book of Mormon characters (other than Alma the Younger) because of his righteousness, boldness, and love for God and others.

We all know that everyone loves Alma chapter 5 because it helps us reflect on our own conversion and if we still feel that love of God that once we had felt and also the burning desire to share the gospel with others. However, Captain Moroni's epistle to Pahoran also makes us ponder whether we are too comfortable with where we are at. He said the following:

"Have ye forgotten the commandments of the Lord your God? Yea, have ye forgotten the captivity of our fathers? Have ye forgotten the many times we have been delivered out of the hands of our enemies?
"Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?
"Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about in the borders of the land who are falling by the sword, yea, wounded and bleeding?
"Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also."(Alma 60:20-23)

Have we forgotten how we have been delivered by the Lord? Have we forgotten how many times He has heard our prayers? Do we think that we can just turn to God whenever we get in trouble without giving Him thanks daily? Are we sitting comfortably at home or at church without "fighting" for the Lord and spreading the gospel to others? Or do you think that you can do nothing but sit comfortably to be saved?

The War in Heaven is still here. We have won the battle but the war is not over. We are constantly bombarded by the "Lamanites" who are continually striving to lead us astray and tempt us. Rise up and fight for your freedom and the ones you love. Your choice now changes not just your life, but also for your posterities.

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Still a Missionary

I have been home for over 3 and half years. I have learned Spanish on my mission and refined my Korean.

Recently, I started to speak Korean more often and started watching Korean TV shows which helped me refine it even more.

The reason why I am talking about this is because I had few opportunities to use Korean and Spanish to serve people. There are three Korean nurses at the hospital where I work and on my breaks, I visit them frequently. One night, I decided to visit one of them, Nurse H. I visited her many times before but for some reason that night we started to talk about the gospel. During our conversation, I was surprised to find out that she was not attending church currently. Because I had learned the gospel vocabularies in Korean on my mission and I had been refining my Korean, I had this opportunity to get to know her beforehand and now talk to her about the gospel. Not only that, I was able to share all the things that I have been learning through reading some church books.

Tonight, I had an opportunity to talk to a patient who only speaks Spanish and calm him down when he broke down crying. I had not had many opportunities to speak Spanish; however, since I knew that there was a patient who only spoke Spanish, I had downloaded a Spanish-English dictionary app to brush up on Spanish a little bit and tonight I had the opportunity to use it. Also, I got to translate some phrases that could help other co-workers communicate with him.

I am not a perfect person. I can't say that I am always in tuned with the Spirit. However, I can say that I am grateful that the Lord is willing to use me and my talents to bless the lives of others even if I didn't know that I was being prepared.

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Time for an Update

1. Half Marathon
This will be the highlight of this new year: Utah Valley Marathon.

The receipt for the registration.

My name on a website to verify.

The half marathon course.

I still have a lot of time but I really need to train myself for it. It is a little tough during winter time to train but I am hoping to be more diligent once the weather gets warmer.

2. New Perspective on Eternal Life
I have been thinking about this for a while and I think I can finally put this on words. I have read that heaven is not earned but learned, which made me think about what it means to have Eternal Life. We learn in Doctrine and Covenants 19:6-12 that Eternal is a name of God the Father. This means that Eternal Life is really the way that God lives and having all that He has. If this life, or God's life, is learned instead of being given to us as a reward for being obedient on this earth. It means that we can have Eternal Life or live like He does on this earth through keeping the commandments and being obedient.
We talk about being converted all the time. We know that being converted means to become like Christ. Christ is like God the Father in every aspect with all the Christlike attributes. Then, we know that when we are converting, we are becoming like God. Logically, this means that when we are converting we are becoming like God and have this life eternal.
To become converted, we need to be obedient; we need to keep the commandments of God. When we are keeping these commandments, we do not simply act on what is required of us but let the Holy Ghost change us, change our nature, so that we can become like the Father or have Eternal Life. God did not give us the commandments so that He could reward us when we die; He gave us commandments so that we could learn of Him, we could learn heaven, we could become like Him, we could have Eternal Life on this earth.
Simply put, Eternal Life can be achieved on this earth when we change our nature through keeping the commandments of God.
This is why my overall resolution for this year is "becoming and living."

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Magnifying Your Calling

Almost all the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints want to magnify their callings for one reason or another. I want to magnify my calling because it will bring others to come closer to Christ and bring happiness to their lives.

I have been thinking for a long time what it means to magnify a calling that you receive, but first let's talk about the mission/goal of your calling. As an activities committee co-chair, you would want to plan activities where members of your ward would come, mingle, and have fun. As a temple committee co-chair, you want to plan a ward temple trip so that people would have an opportunity to go to the temple at least once a month. As an elders quorum or a relief society president, you find ways to serve brethren or sisters and help them be active in the Church. It may seem like they all have different goals or purposes. However, the foundation of those goals is this: invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end (Preach My Gospel pg. 1). When you focus on helping others come unto Christ, you are fulfilling your calling whatever it may be.

Now, how does that help you magnify your calling? If you are focusing on people who might be struggling or who need help, you plan activities, lessons, times, etc around those people's needs. Instead of planning activities, you are now helping them feel the Spirit and come close to Christ. One thing I noticed when I started thinking this way is that I am constantly thinking about what I can do fulfill my calling better. It doesn't just happen once a week but it becomes a daily routine. I spend some time pondering about it and writing things down, and the Lord sometimes sends me people who gives me more and many times better ideas on how to fulfill my calling. When the Lord commanded us to be "anxiously engaged in a good cause," I believe this is what He was referring to.

I am not perfect at fulfilling my calling, let alone magnifying it. However, when our goal becomes bringing others to Christ, we see more blessings and receive more revelations on how to magnify our callings. Take some time each day to think about your calling and what you can do to magnify it. You will see so much difference.

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Be Happy Now

Forget-me-not

"...if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.
"This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life." -From Forget Me Not by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf-

As I was writing in my journal, I wanted to start writing something that would be beneficial for those (most likely my posterity) who read my journals. As I thought about it, I had an inspiration to write about being happy with what you have. President Uchtdorf gave a talk on it in 2011 during General Relief Society Meeting (and yes, I have watched and read it online) and it goes perfectly with my thought.

A lot of times we focus so much on what we don't have that we forget to be grateful for what we have. If you keep complaining about life, being bored, not being in a relationship, having no friends, etc, you will never appreciate what you have, talents you already have, friends you already have, and the joy of being single. I am not saying that have more things will make you happier. What I am saying though is that if you only focus on what you don't have, you will never be happy when you obtain what you wanted because you will only seek out for what you don't have.

A friend, M., reminded me how if you are happy being single (I would add "with what you have), you will be happy when you are in a relationship (or when you have more). If you are not satisfied with life right now, you will not be satisfied with life when you are in a relationship. You might say that you will be happier when you are with someone. That is true; however, you will think about "better" things or what the person doesn't have rather than what he/she has or what you already have.

I believe that is the point that President Uchtdorf was trying to make. You should be striving for better things; however, you should not be so focused on those things and blinded by them that you are so oblivious to what you have around you now.

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Life Decisions and God's Will

Recently, I have noticed that many people have chosen paths that were way different than they have planned or wanted. C. have chosen to go back to school after having a pretty good career. H. felt that she should not serve a mission. S. is moving home instead of staying in Provo. D. moved to Provo out of whim and got jobs lined up for him.

It requires so much faith for them to recognize the promptings and act on them even though it would change their lives so much. I fully support everyone's decision because I believe that they have pondered about their choices for a very long time. I admire them for moving forward with faith and always relying on the Lord.

I need to have the same faith which will help me to rely on the Spirit more and always trust the Lord. I was reminded of this scripture:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8&9-

It reminds us how the Lord is in charge and we should trust Him and follow Him always. All the choices I have made and things that have been happening in my life are not necessarily what I have planned or thought would happen; however, I trust the Lord that He is guiding me at this point in my life and refining me continually so that I could become whom He wants me to be. Through all the experiences, I will be able to develop all the talents I am capable of having and draw out my full potential as a son of God, as a future god.

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"I Will Be Your Light"

I was reading 1 Nephi 17 when I came across verse 13 which says, "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led."

As I read it, I realized a theme of First Nephi which is "trusting the Lord." Even from the beginning of the book, Lehi's family left Jerusalem without any possessions except for certain necessities and entered wilderness without any plans. Nephi went back to Jerusalem to get the plates without a plan. The family wandered the wilderness without knowing where they were really going. Nephi started to build a ship that he has never done before. They sailed to the promised land without knowing where it was.

They knew what was required of them but they had no idea how to fulfill them. However, they exercised faith and trusted the Lord. They also didn't just wait for the Lord to give them whatever they needed but they did their part first. they moved forward then the Lord blessed them with guidance and tools they needed to fulfill anything that was required of them.

Our lives are the same as Lehi's family's journey in the wilderness; we don't know how to accomplish all the things that the Lord requires of us. He doesn't expect us to know how but He expects of us a willing heart to be obedient. When we are doing our best with faith that He will "prepare a way...that [we] may accomplish the thing which He commandeth [us]" (1 Nephi 3:7), we will be able to accomplish anything.

Going back to 1 Nephi 17:13, when we keep His commandments we can see His hands in our lives and know that He is with us. He is our Light that will cast out all darkness and make our path way bright.

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The Worth of Souls

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." -Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-

We forget that the worth of our souls is great when we make mistakes or trials come our ways. I remember thinking that I was not good enough to receive blessings from the Lord when things didn't work out the way I would like them to. It is one of the worst lie that Satan uses to convince us that we are not good enough for our Father in Heaven.

The worth of our souls is always great in the sight of God because the worth is the Only Begotten Son's life. Our Savior has suffered and died for our souls that we might break "the bands of death" and that we might return to our Heavenly Father through repentance and receiving forgiveness (Doctrine and Covenants 18:12). Because He loves us and because He cares for us, He was willing to make the greatest sacrifice of humankind by sacrificing the only person who was without sin, Jesus the Christ. The Son was also obedient to His Father and willingly gave up His life for His brothers and sisters. He was tempted, suffered, and was afflicted so that He could take upon Himself our pains, sicknesses, infirmities, and sins (Alma 7:11-13). What They ask of us is simple: be obedient. All we need to do is keep the covenants that we have made when we are baptized and at the temple.

To change the shift from ourselves to others, I want you to now apply to this principle to others. It is very true that the worth of souls is great because the price was Christ. However, I would like to believe that the worth is also great because we all benefit from having people around us. Let me explain clearly. Think of a friend of yours. Now, imagine that you have never met that person. What would have happened if you have never met that person? Would you have benefited the same way as you have been? Another example is missionary work. People say that if you didn't go on a mission, the person/people who would have received the gospel would have needed to either wait longer in this life or wait till the next life to receive it.

The point I want to make is that we need to work harder to bring everyone to Christ. Help them realize that they are important and are needed in all of our lives because they can help others come unto Christ even if they don't think they can. It's one of Satan's lies that you can't help others or no one will benefit from you. It's a lie that you are not worth as much as others. Everyone needs to know that they are worth every effort that we can put forth to bring them back to Christ and that they can help others do the same.

Our lives are intertwined and not having one person could lose some, if not a lot, meaning of our lives. I truly believe that our lives would be full when we have everyone participating in each other's life. If I weren't here, would you have read something like this? Would you have had time to think about the worth of your soul or of others'? Perhaps. However, because I am writing this you are reminded to appreciate your life and help others appreciate their lives also.

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Journal Excerpts #1

It's been a while since I have blogged so what I am going to do is I am going to copy what I have been writing in my journal because there were a lot of things I would have posted here but I've just been lazy. A lot of thoughts will seem disorganized but if I am listening to talks or something like that, my ideas just jump from one to the next.

Sunday, June 23, 2013
"Something I've been thinking about is how when people think about their families, most would imagine every member of their family. But what if I told them to imagine one member, a father for example, gone from the picture? That's my family. I don't know how everything will work out in the end; however, I do not want anyone to have that. I want everyone to have the desire to share the gospel and bring others to Christ so that there would be no "empty seats." All the seats will be full and so will their joy.
"Sometimes we are not open to share the gospel with others when they come looking for the truth. Are we ready to share? Are we ready to bless the lives of others?
"Be not afraid but let charity fill your heart and invite others to come unto Christ. Think about what they desire, what they need, and what their concerns are. Listen, listen to them and listen to the Spirit. Speak, speak what they seek and what the Spirit tell you to speak.
"My new motto is, 'I will go where you want me to go. I will say what you want me to say. I will be what you want me to be.'
"What everyone needs is the feeling that they are needed. They want to be a part of something. There are people who are ready and when we read out to them. They will know that God's watching over them and will come back to His fold.
"Kyoo, do you remember when you were young, recently baptized, how everyone in the ward was welcoming and how they supported you? Without them, you would not be here. They welcomed you and made you a part of the family. You can do the same for others. You can help others be a part of this great family. Just remember what you have gone through.
"All the callings I had...did they not build on top of each other until I got this calling as a ward mission leader? Because I cared about those who passed on and temple work, I am not able to serve people to come unto Christ so that they could have eternal families. I had to learn and grow until now, and I will continue to learn.
"It's not just inviting people which we must do but have faith that they will return to the activity. Believe in God's power and in them. They all have accepted the gospel before. All they need is a reminder."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013
"Conversion is not either 'you are converted' or 'you are not converted' but a degree or a process. You could be converted enough to come to church every Sunday but you might not be converted enough to pay tithing. However, once you are converted (in one aspect), you are asked to 'strengthen your brethren.'
"Second of all, you have to remember that the gospel is all about others. The two greatest commandments are: love God and love your neighbor. All the other commandments or responsibilities are founded upon those two. You should always remember that it is about helping and serving others."

Thursday, June 27, 2013
"Christ had to learn and grow in the gospel and receive knowledge as we do. I may falter and do not know everything but as Christ did, I can continue to grow and become stronger. I just need to figure out how I can do it and always do my best.
"Wisdom is not only applying what you learn but also being able to see the consequences of your choices and applications thereof. Someone who is wise makes choices understanding what kind of consequences would come about when you make a choice. For example, King Solomon knew how great the love that mothers have for their children so he commanded that a baby to be cut in half to satisfy two women arguing over the baby. He knew that a real mother would want the other woman to take the baby rather than see the baby die. This is true wisdom.
"A new goal: stop thinking about myself but think about what others need. I should write down everyone's name that I have stewardship over then pray for them individually to know their needs, desires, and struggles. Once I start thinking about them, I will receive more revelations on how to help them.
"'Faith stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies.' (From The Lord is My Light) This teaches that when we have faith, we look beyond what we see physically. We hope for a better world. We would see what God would see."

That's all I am going to post at this time.

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Remembering

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel." -Mosiah 4:11-

When I get down and trials happen in my life, I focus on what's happening in my life right now rather than remembering what the Lord has done for me. When I read this scripture last night, I realized that I have been  forgetting to do the most important thing in the gospel: remembering.

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Kyoo's Life: Job Search and a Calling

It's been a long time since I have written. It is not because I have been busy. I have just been lazy.

I am done with school. I graduated from BYU with a BS in Psychology but now what? I have been looking for a job and I actually got an offer at the West Ridge Academy in West Jordan. However alas, my life is so complicated. I had to turn the offer down. So now, I am still jobless. When will I be able to work? I will never know.

During this job hunt, I realized that the Lord must have something in store for me. When a new chapter started in my life, I always come to a complete stop until I find a way to go around or climb over a roadblock. It happened every single time without fail. Yes, I would like to complain. Yes, I just want to give up. However, I have been warned by the Lord that that I will have roadblocks in my life. It's not easy. It's always so hard but at the last moment, things fall into places perfectly. I have faith that it will be the same this time.

On top of this, I got a new calling on Sunday. I have not been sustained yet but I am really excited and overwhelmed already. This will demand most of my time right now because of all the planning I have to do and I have to take over from what the last person did. Interestingly, though, when I moved into this ward, I decided that I was going to know everyone by name even if I don't hang out with them. Well, with this calling, I will really have to know everyone by their names. This calling is "ward mission leader."

I have never had such a calling. Most of my callings were co-chair for Temple Committee, Activity Committee, Indexing Committee, or Service Committee. The only non-co-chair calling I had was FHE leader (so a "father"). WARD MISSION LEADER! I am freaking out!

I am not too worried. I am just nervous with this calling and feel overwhelmed with everything I will have to do. However, as Bishop R. told me, I need to rely on the Lord and be patient with my job situation. Everything happens for a reason and it will be all right.

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Never Be Comfortless - Revisited

Since I got plenty of time to not study and not do homework, I decided to finish reading The Infinite Atonement. The part where I left off months ago was exactly where I needed to start at this period of my life: the crucifixion.

Elder Tad R. Callister talked about how Satan gave his all at the last moment: mocking, tempting, and ridiculing Christ. At this point, the Father has already withdrawn His presence from Christ. Christ was utterly alone at this time. He was physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. He could have given up but He did not. He kept going. He continued to fight. He overcame Satan.

Elder Callister asked why it was necessary for Christ to be left alone. I almost got to the full truth but I still lacked knowledge and understanding. It wasn't necessarily that God purposefully withdrew Himself but rather He could not be with Christ because of all the sins that He took upon Himself. As the Spirit cannot reside with those who sin, God could not be with Christ with all those sins. Hence, Christ experienced the spiritual death through sins, not of His own but of ours. Thus, He descended below us all and could succor us.

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Never Be Comfortless

The Elders Quorum was the best today. I felt the Spirit so strongly and have  received great inspirations.

The Atonement of Christ did not end at the Garden of Gethsemane; that was only the beginning. Although He took upon Himself the sins, infirmities, and pains of the worlds (Alma 7:11-12), He was comforted when He bled at every pore by an angel sent by God. However, there was one more trial He had to go through: being completely alone. He was alone without the Spirit, without the presence of God when He was lifted on the cross. He cried out: "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46) He was utterly alone. Never has God the Father taken away His presence from Christ nor left Him by Himself without any comfort. However, at this point on the cross when everyone around was mocking Him and tempting Him, He was completely alone.

Sometimes, we feel what Christ felt when He was on the cross: My God! Why hast Thou forsaken me! We want to cry out in pain and with anger. Why has this happened to me? Why me? Why? However, Christ suffered that ultimate loneliness so that He can comfort us. He promised us that He will let "leave us comfortless" (John 14:18) and He will never leave us alone. He knows what it feels like to be alone. He knows what it feels like to commit a sin that caused you to not have the Spirit with you. However, He has not left you alone. He is with you. He's not going to let you go through what He has gone through:

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent." -Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-

You don't have to be comfortless. You don't have to be lonely. Christ has felt all that for you. Lean on Him. Trust Him.

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Mending the Heart; Healing the Soul

Last night, I had a really hard time falling asleep because I took a nap for an hour and half which only felt like I closed my eyes for an hour and half. Anyways, since I couldn't fall asleep, I decided to read a little from General Conference. I read President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk called "Four Titles" and few paragraphs stood out to me:

"We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents...
"Remember that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is built not for men and women who are perfect or unaffected by mortal temptations, but rather it is built for people exactly like you and me."

And then I read the next subheading before deciding to try to sleep: Healer of Souls. That's where the title of this post came from and also I thought of Broken Things to Mend, a book by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

That was the preface of my post. I am already starting to get emotional as I think about what I am about to write. It's interesting how every time I try to share something that I have hidden or buried deep in my heart, I get really emotional.

Mending the Heart
Few months back (about six months ago), I decided to open myself up a little bit so I wrote this post and updated my Mormon.org profile. Ever since then, I made a new label for posts: Depression.

My heart has been broken many times, mostly by girls. There were few times in my life when I just wanted to give up. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. It was too hard. I felt like I just couldn't go on.

There were two occasions when I was really depressed. The earlier occasion shouldn't have been too bad but it overwhelmed me. However, I had friends who supported me and gave me courage. I still remember being in bed, not being able to show myself to anyone. One of my roommates walked into my room and said, "Kyoo, can I give you a hug." I told him he could. He embraced me while I was under my blanket. I sobbed. I couldn't hold it any longer. I just cried. I thanked him and then he left the room. The next day, I felt so much better, and I am eternally grateful to that friend.

The later event was actually worse. Just worse. I know people out there who have gone way more than I have. I am not trying to compete or say that I've gone through what you have gone through but to me, that was the worst thing that has happened to me. I didn't want to live. Life was too hard. Life is too hard. However, I got through it.

How many time does my heart need to be broken? I don't know but I am sure it will happen many times in my life by girls, deaths, disappointments, etc. However, I decided that even if I feel like death at that time, even if I feel like giving up, I believe in Christ who made it possible for me to stand tall and keep moving forward.

Healing the Soul
I guess the fact that I never had high self-esteem could have caused the problem above but I also devalue the worth of my soul. I learned recently that the worth of soul is great because the worth is Christ. He paid for our souls. However, my soul has been sick, devalued by me.

I consider myself the worst person in the world. I blame myself for everything and sometimes dream that the world would be a better place without me. I feel that I cause harm in others. I would rather be "used" to help someone than not help someone. This is all due to the fact that I my worth comes from using up my resources to help others.

I used to think that if I could benefit someone in some way even though it would hurt me, I would do it because their value/worth is greater than mine. Why would you not think that when you believe that you have done so many terrible things in your life that God will only hide His face from you? How could you not believe that the worth of your soul is Christ when you are so wicked?

"O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
"And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?" -2 Nephi 4:26-27-

I felt like Nephi of old did except mine didn't end like this: "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul." -2 Nephi 4:28- I did the exact opposite. I put myself down and gave into the enemy of my soul and decided to remain in darkness.

It's not easy to forgive myself. My past always haunts me. However, I learned to accept my past, learn from it, and move on. I cannot serve others if I am engulfed with sorrow and let the "enemy of my soul" invade my soul. I also had to realize that everyone makes mistakes, not just me. Everyone struggles with trials, temptations, and sorrow. Knowing that I am not the only one gives me hope that I can move on and continue walking.

Learning from General Conference
This General Conference has helped me so much with these topic. For one, Elder Craig A. Cardon said:

"The Savior forgives sins “upon earth” and not just at the Final Judgment. He does not excuse us in our sins. He does not condone our return to past sins. But when we repent and obey His gospel, He forgives us."

Also, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf told a story of Jane:

"Given her dark past, Jane could easily have become vindictive, venomous, or violent. But she didn't. She resisted the temptation to spread the darkness, refusing to lash out in anger, hurt, or cynicism. Instead, she held fast to the hope that with God’s help she could be healed. She chose to radiate light and devote her life to helping others."

Long time ago, I decided that my life is service. I want to serve someone not because I feel that their souls worth more than mine but because this is what the Lord requires of me and because I love God. Christ has atoned for my sins, sorrows, afflictions, temptations, depression, and much more and all He and Heavenly Father require of me is service.


When I need my heart to be mended and my soul to be healed, I pray for God's mercy and Christ's grace to pick myself up and keep moving forward. It hurts to take a step after a step. Sometimes, the Telestial Kingdom seems very appealing, but if I give up now, I don't help anyone but will only bring sorrow to others. I would be so selfish to think that I wouldn't affect anyone. I chose life over death and Christ over Satan.

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