A Particle of Faith (Updated)

I would like to tell you a story about myself. My family and I moved to the US when I was 13. I didn’t speak English at all but we somehow managed to join the Church a few months after moving here.
When I got baptized, I didn't know much about the Church. I even hated going to church and three hours of church were torture. However, as I started to make friends, I loved going to church just so that I could hang out with friends.

In the Church, we focus on “studying” the scriptures. We talk about how we shouldn’t merely read the scriptures but dive into them and try to understand the gospel and God’s will for us. However, for a young boy who didn’t speak English, I could care less about that. Maybe, you would say that I lacked faith, and that’s OK.

I never voluntarily read the scriptures to know that the Church and the teachings of the Church were true; although, I never doubted that they were true. Maybe I was too young or naïve not to question things of the Church. Maybe it was a blessing and a gift from God.

When I was first motivated to read the scriptures, was during seminary. My seminary teacher gave his students a prize every year if we attended seminary, memorized all the scripture masteries, and read the entire book of that year. I, of course, being an overachiever (and Asian) did all those things.

However, I can't say that I really studied the scriptures during those years but I just read them to say that I read all of them. I only had enough faith to read the scriptures. Perhaps, it was the same with attending church and doing other church related things. I only had enough faith to merely go through the motions.

What came out of just going through the motions is amazing, though. My last year in high school, we were studying Doctrine and Covenants. I was once again just reading the scriptures when I came across these verses:

"And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
"For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—
"That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God." (Doctrine and Covenants 76:22-24)

These verses hit me so hard! All the things I learned at church just connected like chains. I knew they were true. I knew that Joseph Smith was truly called of God and that the Book of Mormon was true. I was merely reading the scriptures but I still got a strong confirmation from the Holy Ghost.

Alma 32:27 states, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."

Missionaries ask people they teach to do exactly this! Experiment! Exercise just a particle of faith! Some people have enough faith to read the entire chapter after the first appointment. Some only have enough faith to read a pamphlet. Some, enough to only pray. It doesn’t matter as long as they are exercising their faith.

One day you will find yourself not having enough faith to go on; to study the scriptures or pray like you once did. However, Alma invites us to exercise a particle of faith; even if that means that you only have enough faith to read one verse a day. So if you find yourself in that situation where you only have enough faith to read a verse or to say, “Father, I can’t do this,” do it. Whatever you can muster, whatever you can do at that moment, just do it. As I was blessed with an amazing experience for my small effort, you will also receive the same blessing of feeling God’s love for you. “Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea.” (Alma 32:29)

My faith was increased through that experience. I can’t say that I really studied the scriptures after that; however, my testimony has grown. This also doesn’t mean that I didn’t struggle from time to time. We all have trials. We have good days and bad days. What makes bad days bearable is when we exercise our faith and do what is right. I can’t think of a bad day when I felt worse by reading the scriptures or praying.

“Because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure.” (Alma 32:42)

Brothers and sisters, this fruit, explained by Elder Bednar, is the blessings of the Atonement of the Savior. As you hold on to the iron rod, the word of God, and continue forward, you will experience the blessings of the Atonement, even the eternal life.

Let us all press forward with whatever faith that we have. The road toward the fruit will bring you happiness and life eternal. If you only have enough faith to face the right direction, that’s a good start. Now, please hold on to the rod given to you and take a step forward toward the direction you are facing.

God loves you even when you don’t feel like He does. He loves you and always has and always will. Please, take the seed, plant it, and nourish it. He will bless you more than you realize or you can recognize. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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Possibility & Tender Mercy

An excerpt from Sunday, February 16, 2014:

"Isn't it interesting how we meet people? Out of [7 billion people], we meet certain people then become their friends. Also, in our life time, we meet them at a certain time period. We could have passed by each other so many times before, not noticing each other. However a certain event has brought us together to get to know each other, build a relationship with each other, to learn from each other, and to strengthen each other. That truly is a tender mercy of the Lord."

What is the possibility of meeting someone? There are 8765.81 hours in a year. There are about 7.144 billion people in the world. So it's about 1:62.6 trillion to meet someone in an hour.

You have friends. You have met them at some point in your life. You could have passed by them many times until that one moment that brought you two together. A coincidence? A tender mercy of the Lord? I would like to think that there was a hand of the Lord in meeting people in my life because I would not be who I am without meeting all these people.

Now getting into the gospel, think about how you could influence someone for good today. You will run into someone (someone you know or someone you don't know). It may not be 1:62.6 trillion chance to meet that person; however, the chance still would be slim. But you are there and so is that person. What are you going to do? What will you say?

"And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
"And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!" (Doctrine and Covenants 18:15&16)

These verses mean different to you now thinking about the possibility of meeting that one soul and helping him/her come unto Christ. The Lord has put you and that person on the same path at that time to run into each other, to get to know each other, and to influence each other. It wasn't a coincidence that you met that person. Now, let's say that through this tender mercy, you were able to bring that person unto the Lord. How great will your joy be knowing that you have taken that crazy "chance" to say what you know to be true and then he/she felt the Holy Ghost that brought him/her (back) to Christ?

"To every man there comes in his lifetime that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for that which would be his finest hour." -Sir Winston Churchill-

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Still a Missionary

I have been home for over 3 and half years. I have learned Spanish on my mission and refined my Korean.

Recently, I started to speak Korean more often and started watching Korean TV shows which helped me refine it even more.

The reason why I am talking about this is because I had few opportunities to use Korean and Spanish to serve people. There are three Korean nurses at the hospital where I work and on my breaks, I visit them frequently. One night, I decided to visit one of them, Nurse H. I visited her many times before but for some reason that night we started to talk about the gospel. During our conversation, I was surprised to find out that she was not attending church currently. Because I had learned the gospel vocabularies in Korean on my mission and I had been refining my Korean, I had this opportunity to get to know her beforehand and now talk to her about the gospel. Not only that, I was able to share all the things that I have been learning through reading some church books.

Tonight, I had an opportunity to talk to a patient who only speaks Spanish and calm him down when he broke down crying. I had not had many opportunities to speak Spanish; however, since I knew that there was a patient who only spoke Spanish, I had downloaded a Spanish-English dictionary app to brush up on Spanish a little bit and tonight I had the opportunity to use it. Also, I got to translate some phrases that could help other co-workers communicate with him.

I am not a perfect person. I can't say that I am always in tuned with the Spirit. However, I can say that I am grateful that the Lord is willing to use me and my talents to bless the lives of others even if I didn't know that I was being prepared.

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The Worth of Souls

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." -Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-

We forget that the worth of our souls is great when we make mistakes or trials come our ways. I remember thinking that I was not good enough to receive blessings from the Lord when things didn't work out the way I would like them to. It is one of the worst lie that Satan uses to convince us that we are not good enough for our Father in Heaven.

The worth of our souls is always great in the sight of God because the worth is the Only Begotten Son's life. Our Savior has suffered and died for our souls that we might break "the bands of death" and that we might return to our Heavenly Father through repentance and receiving forgiveness (Doctrine and Covenants 18:12). Because He loves us and because He cares for us, He was willing to make the greatest sacrifice of humankind by sacrificing the only person who was without sin, Jesus the Christ. The Son was also obedient to His Father and willingly gave up His life for His brothers and sisters. He was tempted, suffered, and was afflicted so that He could take upon Himself our pains, sicknesses, infirmities, and sins (Alma 7:11-13). What They ask of us is simple: be obedient. All we need to do is keep the covenants that we have made when we are baptized and at the temple.

To change the shift from ourselves to others, I want you to now apply to this principle to others. It is very true that the worth of souls is great because the price was Christ. However, I would like to believe that the worth is also great because we all benefit from having people around us. Let me explain clearly. Think of a friend of yours. Now, imagine that you have never met that person. What would have happened if you have never met that person? Would you have benefited the same way as you have been? Another example is missionary work. People say that if you didn't go on a mission, the person/people who would have received the gospel would have needed to either wait longer in this life or wait till the next life to receive it.

The point I want to make is that we need to work harder to bring everyone to Christ. Help them realize that they are important and are needed in all of our lives because they can help others come unto Christ even if they don't think they can. It's one of Satan's lies that you can't help others or no one will benefit from you. It's a lie that you are not worth as much as others. Everyone needs to know that they are worth every effort that we can put forth to bring them back to Christ and that they can help others do the same.

Our lives are intertwined and not having one person could lose some, if not a lot, meaning of our lives. I truly believe that our lives would be full when we have everyone participating in each other's life. If I weren't here, would you have read something like this? Would you have had time to think about the worth of your soul or of others'? Perhaps. However, because I am writing this you are reminded to appreciate your life and help others appreciate their lives also.

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Kyoo's Life: Job Search and a Calling

It's been a long time since I have written. It is not because I have been busy. I have just been lazy.

I am done with school. I graduated from BYU with a BS in Psychology but now what? I have been looking for a job and I actually got an offer at the West Ridge Academy in West Jordan. However alas, my life is so complicated. I had to turn the offer down. So now, I am still jobless. When will I be able to work? I will never know.

During this job hunt, I realized that the Lord must have something in store for me. When a new chapter started in my life, I always come to a complete stop until I find a way to go around or climb over a roadblock. It happened every single time without fail. Yes, I would like to complain. Yes, I just want to give up. However, I have been warned by the Lord that that I will have roadblocks in my life. It's not easy. It's always so hard but at the last moment, things fall into places perfectly. I have faith that it will be the same this time.

On top of this, I got a new calling on Sunday. I have not been sustained yet but I am really excited and overwhelmed already. This will demand most of my time right now because of all the planning I have to do and I have to take over from what the last person did. Interestingly, though, when I moved into this ward, I decided that I was going to know everyone by name even if I don't hang out with them. Well, with this calling, I will really have to know everyone by their names. This calling is "ward mission leader."

I have never had such a calling. Most of my callings were co-chair for Temple Committee, Activity Committee, Indexing Committee, or Service Committee. The only non-co-chair calling I had was FHE leader (so a "father"). WARD MISSION LEADER! I am freaking out!

I am not too worried. I am just nervous with this calling and feel overwhelmed with everything I will have to do. However, as Bishop R. told me, I need to rely on the Lord and be patient with my job situation. Everything happens for a reason and it will be all right.

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Part-time Christian, Full-time Christian

Many of you probably have jobs. If you are a student, you would more likely to be a part-time employee. If you are an LDS, you might have served a full-time mission. I want you to think about the difference between a part-time (fill in the blank) and a full-time (fill in the blank) as you read this.

I wrote the following on Facebook as my status today:

"As I was reading an article about how psychologists, although said to be neutral, take out religion or God out of psychology, I realized that many people try to take God out of their daily lives such as careers or politics. To me, that's saying that you can separate God and the world but I do not believe that. You are either a Christian all the time or you are not a Christian at all."

And then I added this: "You can't be a part-time Christian."

I gave a talk few months ago based on Elder Robert D. Hales's talk called Being a More Christian Christian. I compared having a testimony to being converted and I believe that they are two different things. Just because you have a testimony or have knowledge that something is true, it does not mean that you are a different person. You become a different person when you act or when you change, convert. Conversion, according to the Bible Dictionary, "will change a natural man into a sanctified, born again, purified person—a new creature in Christ Jesus." We will have "no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Italics added, Mosiah 5:2).

Even in the Sacrament prayer, we are commanded to "always remember Him" (Doctrine and Covenants 20:77). God never told us that we can sometimes remember Him or be a Christians when necessary or only on Sundays. He commanded us to "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death" (Mosiah 18:9).

Do not be a part-time Christian. Wherever you might be, whatever the circumstance it might be, always be a (full-time) Christian. You cannot serve two masters. If you are a member of Christ's church, be a member of His church always and in everything you do.

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How I Met Your Mother

This is not depressing at all. This is not necessarily about dating, friends, family, gospel, philosophy, life, or mission. This post has little bits of each.

I have been watching a show called "How I Met Your Mother." It's not super hilarious nor always appropriate. However, the reason why I like the show is the thought provoking quotes and how much I can relate to Ted Mosby, the main character. In the show, Ted is telling his kids how he met his wife. The past Ted is always looking for "the one." However, the future Ted always reminds his kids that all the stories/events that he tell them somehow lead up to how he met his wife.

(I will come back to the show in a little bit) Yesterday, I went to Panda Express and got a fortune which said, "A sudden change in plans will lead to good fortune." It was very fitting because I had made a decision about something and felt like that is the way it's supposed to be. OK, it's about asking someone on a date but I decided not to (and I am glad I decided not to).

The fortune I got was like the show "How I Met Your Mother" because the whole show is about how different events that Ted goes through somehow lead to meeting his wife. I believe that this is true for me and for others as well. We are constantly choosing, changing, and going through life with different events. Whatever decision we make prepares us for the moment when we meet our spouse or even anyone in our lives whom we will impact one way or another.

All the experiences I had, whether be good or bad, lead me to that moment when I will meet my future wife. The moment that I am waiting for. When that time comes, I will be prepared to meet her, talk to her, and get to know her. (Does that mean I believe that there is "the one"?) Or I will be prepared to choose who that person will be as I meet many girls, talk to them, and get to know them then we will start to trust each other, respect each other, and honor each other. Eventually, we will develop love for each other.

In other posts, I wrote about how we need to prepare to serve others. You can't go back in time to change things but you can always change the past right now. If you made a mistake in the past, choose to become a better person through your mistakes. You don't need to go back in time to correct your mistakes but choose now to do what is right. Don't make the same mistake again. Always choose looking forward in the future. Prepare now. Prepare for the first moment when you will meet your spouse. Prepare to serve others when God calls you to serve.

"Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?
"Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—
"That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
"Hence many are called, but few are chosen." -Doctrine and Covenants 121:34-35, 37, & 40-

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Unknown But Important Gifts of the Spirit

I wanted to share something from my friend's mission blog. She said:

"I've been reading out of a manual, 'The Gospel and the Productive Life,' and have found it to be interesting. I want to include something that I found to be interesting about spiritual gifts. I often feel very inadequate and found this to be insightful. Maybe there are some of you that feel the same way. This is from Marvin J.
Ashton:

'Taken at random, let me mention a few gifts that are not always evident or noteworthy or noteworthy but that are very important....

'The gift of asking; the gift of listening; the gift of hearing and using a still small voice; the gift of being able to weep; the gift of avoiding contention; the gift of being agreeable; the gift of avoiding vain repetition; the gift of seeking that which is righteous; the gift of not passing judgment; the gift of looking to God for guidance; the
gift of being disciple; the gift of caring for others; the gift of being able to ponder; the gift of offering prayer; the gift of bearing a mighty testimony; and the gift of receiving the Holy Ghost.'

I thought of a few more gifts: the gift of discernment of feelings and thoughts of others, the gift of awareness of self and others; gift of ability to comfort others."

I am grateful for her, for her blog, and for a tender mercy of the Lord. I am grateful for the gifts that I have received even though they might not be known to many but are very important to me and in my life. I am grateful for the gift of offering prayer and of looking to God for guidance.

I will have to write my friend and thank her. :)

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Why Some Receive Blessings

If you served a mission or are familiar with missionary work, you know that we promise blessings to investigators or people we teach. I heard a story on Sunday how this girl, an investigator, was promised so many blessings if she came to church on Sunday. As she started to come to church, all the blessings that were promised to her came.

My friend, J., who was sitting next to me asked me why he doesn't receive awesome blessings like the ones this investigator received. I realized that it's because we usually don't go to church expecting to receive blessings but to be taught. It's the same for all the commandments that we keep. Many times we forget to ask for blessings as we keep these commandments but we do it too casually. Do we not know that we can receive blessings from paying tithing? Windows of heaven will open (Malachi 3:10). If we were to think of blessings that we would like as we keep all the commandments, we will recognize those specific blessings.

I am not saying I do this but I want to. There are so many blessings that the Lord has promised me and I should continue to think about them as I pay tithing, attend all three church meetings, study the scriptures, pray, attend the temple, etc.

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My Family's Baptism

I share with you an experience of one of the missionaries who taught my family, Jeff Gardner. I asked him to write about my family's baptism in his perspective and he has sent it to me recently. I wanted to share it with all of you so that you know what it means to be a missionary and see the Lord's hand in His work.

September 23, 2012

The Kim Family experiences while on my mission

            I want start by sharing one of my experiences I have had while on my mission to Peoria Illinois Mission from 2001 to 2003. I have had many experiences that I have seen while serving the lord for 2 years. He has answered my prayers and have lead to people that have changed my life forever and who I love so much. I know the Lord loves each of them and has a personal care from them.

            While I was in the area of Macomb, Illinois my companion and I along with Brother Mueller were teaching the Lee Family the 2^nd new member’s discussion. While we were talking Brother Lee said he talked to a friend about the church and said he would be interested in learning more. As the evening went they fed us “Kimche” which of course was very new to me. While they were serving the meal Brother Lee stood up and called Hong Sik Kim to set up an appointment for tomorrow night which was so great to witness. The next evening was what they call a missionaries dream and one of the most precious blessings from Heavenly Father to teach a family of four. I remember going with Brother Lee over to his friends to meet the Kim Family (Hong Sik, Seong Hee Park, Kyoo, Kwan). They were so kind to us and they had a great desire to learn and listen to us. We didn’t know Korean so Brother Lee translated for us. It was one of those experiences were we couldn’t hardly understand one another but the spirit I felt I can never forget. That night the Kim Family asked for the Book of Mormon in Korean and Brother Kim wanted to come to Church that next Sunday. I knew the lord prepared this family. I wrote in my journal that the lord blesses those after the trial of your faith.

            Hong Sik was such a kind man, bless his heart. We had our 2^nd discussion and he came and picked us up. What investigator would pick you up to learn more about the Gospel of Jesus Christ? That does not happen too often. They are such are such happy people. I gained a great love for them.  It was great to see the Kim family have faith as they put their efforts into studying the scriptures and hear their prayers. It is of course fun to hear them say their prayers and read scriptures in Korean.  I count my blessings to have been able to teach them.  My personal testimony has grown each day because of their examples of faith as they joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was such a great time to see them set a date for baptism (March 31, 2002). I know they are each children of our Heavenly Father. I have felt so much joy in my life as I have seen the Kim’s grow in the Gospel. We have had so much help teaching the Kim’s. We had a member, Sister Jensen from Fort Madison Iowa, travel to teach the discussions each week with us. How blessed we were to have their help. I know every time we taught the Kim’s the discussions the spirit filled my heart.

One experience that I remember teaching the Kim family is a time when we just got done teaching his family one of the discussions, the spirit filled the room. As we departed to go home Hong Sik Kim offered to take us back to our apartment. Just as we were getting out of his car in is broken English he thanked us for teaching him and his family. It was such a highlight. I know the Lord has specific plans for each member of the Kim family. I love them. I know the Lord loves each of them individually. I know the Church is true. I know these experiences will remain with me beyond the veil and into the eternities. I hope that we will always be close to the Kim Family. I admire their faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I hope my children will see the value of missionary work and have experiences that will build their own testimonies on their own missions.

On March 31, 2002 Easter Day the Kim family became members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It was fast and testimony meeting and the Kim family was sitting behind us in sacrament meeting while Brother Shawn Mueller got up and bore his testimony.  I looked behind me to look at the Kim Family and saw that Sister Seong Hee Park had tears in her eyes. I know she felt the spirit from our Heavenly Father. That experience helped me to feel the spirit. It was one of those moments that I can’t explain but what I do know it was very touching.  The members of the Macomb ward were so helpful and showed such great love and embraced the Kim family. It helped them see the gospel in action and feel the Saviors love.  That evening the Kim Family was baptized. The members sang “I am a Child of God”  in English then in Korean,  then Brother Lee gave a talk on baptism and Sister Jenson gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. I had the wonderful opportunity to baptize Brother Hong Sik Kim and Hyung Koo Kim. Elder Dale baptized Sister Seong Hee Park and Hyung Kwan Kim. What a day I will never forget. The lord was so merciful in allowing me to be a part of the Kim family baptism and be a part of each of their lives. I hope I will always be in touch with them. I know shortly after they were baptized they got involved with church callings and it was fun to see the Kyoo and Kwan get involved with the youth and church activities.  As years pass the Kim Family received the most precious gift from Heavenly Father, getting their endowments out and getting sealed with their family in the temple. As this missionary experience continue to grows, Kwan and Kyoo received mission calls one to California and the other to New York. What example they are to me. They will be great examples to my children. I know the lord loves them individually and is aware of their needs and desires. I know that Heavenly Father will bless them for their faith each day. I love them so much. I know this is the only way to receive complete happiness for our families.  I have a testimony of the Savior and the Atonement and that if we repent we can be forgiven if we keep his commandments by following our living prophet.

Jeff Gardner

Sister Jensen on the far left. Jeff on the far right.

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Instrument of God

Last night, my roommate, K., got a call from a girl in our ward. She needed a blessing. To be honest, we don't get a lot of calls from people in our ward asking for a blessing so I was excited. I was excited to give a blessing because I can exercise the Priesthood of God and serve others. Someone said once that the Priesthood is an instrument to serve others but not yourself. You can't give a blessing to yourself or perform ordinances to yourself. The blessing was an amazing experience! I felt so much peace and felt so close to God.

This morning, I woke up early planning to donate plasma early. Around 7:45, I got a call from my co-worker asking me if I could come in at 8 to cover her shift because she was sick. I am not going to lie. I hesitated for few seconds. Then I thought, 'This is the Lord telling me not to donate plasma.' So I told her that I would. Of course, I had to call my supervisor to let her know that I was coming in for my co-worker and that I was going to be late a little bit.

Obviously, the second experience is not as spiritual as the first but it still was an opportunity for me to serve someone. Also, me waking up that early and being (almost) ready to leave the apartment before 8 were tender mercies of God. I do not doubt that.

I want to echo what Winston Churchill said once:

"To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."

I hope to be ready all the time.

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My Heavenly Father Loves Me Part 9

"I will not leave you comfortless." John 14:18

On my mission, I made a lot of highlights on many scriptures. Recently as I was going through the scriptures, I realized that most of them talk about the Lord being beside me and that He will not leave me alone. I do not remember the thoughts or feelings I had when I made those highlights but I am only grateful for the Lord's tender mercies to help me when I needed Him the most.

I had a thought on Tuesday which is always comforting for anybody who feels like the promised blessings have not been realized. The thought was, "I am sorry, [your name]. I know it is hard. I understand what you are going through, but be patient just a little bit more. It will all be worth it." You know it will be worth it. It will be worth it.

Talking about how it will be worth it made me think of this video which was based on Elder Holland's talk. I used to watch this video everyday because it gave me hope that everything will be all right.

This morning I was reading the Bible. I was reading in the Topical Guide under "Goodness." I was hoping to find something about God's goodness and His willingness to help us. What I found was something more profound which I am grateful for. I read Galatians 5:22-23 which talk about the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance) and I decided to dive into what each word meant. The "fruit" means the mission of the Holy Ghost so those words that are fruits of the Spirit are the things that the Holy Ghost do for us. I wrote in my journal that "we can feel God's love, we can be happy, we can feel comfort and peace, we can endure many things with patience, we feel charity toward others, we receive tender mercies, we increase our faith through trusting Him, we can be humble and submit to God's will, and we can have a control of our body to be an agent to ourselves. These are the things which the Holy Ghost helps us with. I have experienced all of them and still experience them." Have you experienced such things? If you have, you have felt the Holy Ghost and the Lord has been telling you that you are loved by Him.

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A Privilege to Know God

A quote by Francis Webster, who joined the Martin Handcart Company.

"Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No. Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay, and I am thankful that I was privileged to come in the Martin Handcart Company."

We all go through trials in our lives. Perhaps, not like Francis Webster or prophets in the scriptures. However, it does not matter what kind of trials you face or how difficult situations might be. What matters the most is how you face them.

Brother Webster made that declaration because a Sunday School teacher criticized church leaders for letting two handcart companies to cross the plains so late in the season. That's not how Brother Webster viewed it. He remembered it as a growing experience and a privilege to get to know God, his Father in Heaven.

I realize now how much I appreciate all the trials that God has given me. Especially the trials that happened recently because I feel that I started to turn toward God for help rather than falling in despair. I stopped complaining but started to asked to know His will and desire. I started to get to know who God is rather than to know about Him. I am grateful for trials.

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Not My Thoughts Part 3

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about things that happen in my life and tender mercies of the Lord. It's hard to describe it right now but let me try.

My prayers have changed ever since I started reading "Look Up, My Soul." I pray for humility to be led by the Lord instead of counseling Him what I want to do. If anything happens, I accept it as His will. I would prefer Him leading my life than me trying to find my own way.

However, I started to wonder why the Lord has let certain things happen in my life. I prayed about it before but it never worked out but He is sending me more opportunities for me to rethink this through. Now fear has crept into my life that I am more scared to take this opportunity than not take it. If it didn't work out before, how could it work out now? I thought my friend, C., and his experience with something like this. It didn't seem like it was going to work out but in the end, it did. Does that mean it could work out for me too? If it doesn't, it will destroy me and I know it will.

Another fear that comes with this is that I don't know if it's the Lord who's leading me or my feelings. I feel like I acted on my feelings too many times to know that I can't let my feelings make choices for me. Figuring out if it's the Lord's will or my emotions' will is the most difficult task that I will ever have to experience/go through. Perhaps, the best way to distinguish if it's the Lord telling me what I should do and my emotions telling me what I want to do is just that: if I want to do it, it's my emotions.

Let me elaborate on the latter sentence. We hear many stories about how someone was inspired to do a certain thing which saved his/her life later on or saved their family. An extreme case, I know. However, you have to realize that that person probably didn't want to do that in the beginning. They just had a thought to do it. From my own personal experience, when I was inspired to drop by someone's house on my mission, I didn't dwell on that thought for a long time until I decided to do it. The inspiration just came and I acted on it. Another experience was that I had a thought in the morning that I should visit one of my friends so later on, I did. I didn't know why and nothing was wrong with her but I just did. Back to now, I've thought about doing something all day today but I wasn't sure if that's what the Lord wanted. I wanted to do it but I don't think I was inspired to do it. Does that mean it's not from the Lord? Was it a righteous desire? I would think so. Was it what the Lord wanted me to do? I can't say. Was it in His timeline that I did that? I don't know.

Am I correct on that principle? I don't think so. However, it might be correct for me. Everyone is different and everyone has different experiences in their lives. Maybe you have a gift to discern your thoughts from the promptings of the Holy Ghost, or maybe you have a gift to recognize the promptings. I, on the other hand, do not have that gift. Doctrine and Covenants 46:11 states that not everyone has all the gifts of the Spirit. However, I know that I can earn this gift my working for it. I am and have been working on it. It might take a long time for me to fully acquire it but I know I will have it.

I don't know how the Lord is leading me. I don't know His will. Most of the times I don't know what I should do. However, He is leading me and guiding me. I know that He is refining me. When He sees fit, He will show me what I should do. I may not know His will and His timing but I know that He loves me, and that should be enough.

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What I Know of Hope

I started reading a book called "Look Up, My Soul: The Divine Promise of Hope" by Gerald Lund (I absolutely love his books!). When I saw the book for the first time, I knew I had to read it.

On my mission (I probably have mentioned this before), I learned something new about hope. In the scriptures, faith, hope and charity always go hand in hand. However, we don't realize why hope is really important. After studying hope for a while, I realized that the way we use hope and the way the scriptures use hope are different.

Let me give you an example using Lehi's dream of the tree of life. You know the destination, the tree of life; however, you can't see what's in front of you because of the mist of darkness. All you can do is to cling onto the iron rod and hope that you will get to your destination. Hope is not merely wishing. If you just wished, you wouldn't move at all but stay where you are at. If you hope, you move forward because you know that you will be able to get to the destination. If you hope for things, you have faith that you will acquire what you hope for by acting. You can't see what's in front of you but you move forward.

It is awesome that Elder Lund felt the need to write a whole book about hope and I am so excited to read this book (I checked it out from the library but if I really like it, I will buy it). In the preface of the book, he mentioned how his view of hope changed and he realized the importance of hope along with faith and charity. I want to learn more about hope and have greater understanding of it. I want to apply it into my life so that I can have greater hope for the future and exercise my faith.

"And if you have not faith, hope, and charity, you can do nothing." -Doctrine and Covenants 18:19 (Emphasis added)-

Not just faith and charity but hope also.

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My Heavenly Father Loves me Part 6

Have you gone to the Missionary Training Center (MTC) to do the Teaching Resource Center (TRC)? The last time I've done it was two years ago when I just came back from my mission. Today, I went to the MTC with J. and had an opportunities to be taught by some missionaries in Spanish. It was simply marvelous.

They have changed the TRC since the last time I did it. Instead of me being an (fake) investigator, I am just me. Their goal is to bring me closer to Jesus Christ.

The first set of missionaries were Sisters Ellis, Giles, and Norton. Sister Norton knew Spanish more than the other sisters so she spoke most of the times. Sister Ellis was struggling to find a scripture as Sister Norton spoke and had a hard time speaking. Despite their differences and their struggles, they taught me exactly what I needed to hear. Before they began, they talked among themselves to figure out what they were going to teach. Sister Giles suggested prayer and revelation, and I knew that they had the Spirit with them. Stories and testimonies they shared were powerful and they really spoke from their hearts. I definitely felt the Spirit.

The next set of missionaries were Elders Wolfe and Anderson. They weren't as great as the sisters because (later I found out that) they didn't seem really prepared and only Elder Anderson taught the lesson while Elder Wolfe slouched back on the couch just chilling. The only time I felt somewhat of the Spirit was when Elder Anderson started to bear his testimony at the end. Very unfortunate.

After talking with the elders, I went into J.'s room just because they (coordinators) wanted me to. I don't remember any of the missionaries names but these two sets of missionaries were fabulous. One of the first set of missionaries struggling with his Spanish and used English words in between Spanish words to make sure we understood him but when he was telling us a story about how he gained his testimony, I knew he was being sincere and felt the Spirit. I really believe that he's going to be an awesome missionary because he was so humble and had tremendous faith to rely on the Lord instead of himself.

Learning from the missionaries and feeling the Spirit really made my day and I knew that the Lord loved me and all those missionaries who were learning and growing in the gospel.

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Everyone Is A Child Of God

On my mission, I got to go to few nursing homes and hospitals. There are good memories of them and also sad memories. One that I would like to talk about is this lady I met at a hospital in Culver City, California. I don't remember her name right now so I will have to dig through my journals but what had happened was (you have to say that with a southern accent) is that we met her through a referral that we received from the HQ informing us that she is a member but is in the psych ward at the hospital. It was a pain in the first place to find the visiting time to see her but once we started going over there, I couldn't stop because it was so...fun! I know that sounds weird to say but I loved visiting the psych ward. The lady we were visiting had anxiety disorder (I think) but we went over as often as we can and read scriptures with her. I even got to use my Korean to talk to a Korean lady who was complaining about a lot of things, but I couldn't really help her with anything because I couldn't do anything she asked me to do as a missionary and as an unrelated person to her. There also were some people who would ask us if we were Mormons. We would just smile and say, "Yes, we are!" Whenever we visited the lady, some people would come sit by us, and I remember this girl who was schizophrenic (but she was taking medication so she doesn't act like it) and she always came by and just sat and listened to us.

When my companion and I found out that we were both leaving the area, we visited her one last time and told her that we would be leaving. She started to cry and told us how she didn't want us to leave. The best gift I ever received was from her: she played "If You Could Hie To Kolob" in a beautiful arrangement (she played piano by listening to different arrangements. AMAZING!). She sat down to play then turned around and said with tears streaming down her face, "I don't want you guys to leave," then played the song for us. I will never forget that experience. I wish I had a picture of her but I doubt they would let us take a picture of anything that is alive (or dead) in that place.

Yesterday, I had an opportunity to volunteer at the Utah State Hospital (OK, every time I type "hospital," I type "hops" and then I have to go back and fix it) and I was really excited.

"The first day of volunteering at the Utah State Hospital! It was awesome! All the volunteers there were really cool and nice. I only know few names (or remember few names) but it was great to know wonderful people. At first, some of the volunteers were nervous because they didn’t know what to expect, but I was way excited because I’ve been to mental hospitals on my mission so I knew what to expect: not much. I knew people in the hospital are nice people (and also medicated) so there was nothing to worry about.
We were in charge of activities that night so we had some beads to melt to make different shapes, board games, and other activities. One guy was making fun of me for being Asian but I ignored him whenever he did that so that didn’t last. I kept my cool with him because I knew he wasn’t all there (seriously) and I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making me mad.
When I was making melted beads, one older lady came by and started helping me find the right colors for my "project." It was kind of creepy because she told me that she likes Asians but I didn’t mind too much. I guess we will get along just fine. :)
Overall, the best!" -An excerpt from January 25, 2012 entry-

It truly is a marvelous experience to see how everyone is a child of God no matter where they are or what they are going through. Even if they are not "normal."

10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; -Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-

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Losing Yourself in the Service of God

I might cry as I type this.

Life is hard. All of us go through life with trials and adversities. Yesterday was my birthday and I had a great time; however, there still was a challenge that I just needed tell someone about. I complained to a good friend from my mission, and my companions and I reactivated her family. She and I talked to each other frequently and I would tell her what was happening in my life and she would tell me bits and pieces of her life. Well, when I complained to her, she texted me back and told me that we are in the "pit together" but she had more problems than I did. As soon as I found out what she was going through, I felt terrible and guilty that I just complained to her about something so small when she's going through so much crap (excuse my language but I don't know how else to say it other than "crap" or another word that could offend some people) and I knew that I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself at this point but do my best to help her. I can move on. I will survive. However, she was pretty much left with nothing.

I cried for her. I cried with her. We talked for hours while she was sitting in her car in front of a grocery store. I didn't know what to tell her. I prayed with her over the phone because she didn't want to pray. I talked about things I learned over the past few days, weeks, and months. I wanted to be there for her but I can't.

The worst part is when I didn't have answer to her question: "Why is everything happening to me?" What am I supposed to say? "God loves you. He knows you. He will help you out." She knew those answers and I knew she didn't want to hear them from me. At least, not now. I just listened to her and learned so much about her life and what she went through. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to help her?

Dear A., if you ever read this, know that you inspire me and teach me so much. This has been a learning and growing experience for me.

I would cry so much more when I think about what she's going through but I can't right now because I am at work. I hate that I am at work.

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If You Could Go Back in Time...

This was what I really wanted to blog about yesterday but I forgot about it until now. Even after blogging about something different, I still didn't remember what I was thinking yesterday. I am grateful that I blog-stalk people to be inspired or re-inspired. :)

Anyways, let me ask you this question: If you could go back in time, would you change anything? Think about it for a minute or two. Think about happy moments, sad moments, embarrassing moments, shameful moments, joyful moments, funny moments, etc. Now, my next question is why would you change it?

I thought the first question for a while yesterday. For the longest time I thought that it would be really neat to go back in time and change things that I wish I didn't remember. But yesterday I decided that I would not change anything at all. Yes, I have embarrassing moments. Yes, I have sad moments. Yes, I have depressing moments. However, I would not change them for anything because I know that I was supposed to experience those things to grow. If I truly believed in tender mercies of the Lord, why would I want to change anything that happened in my life? I should be grateful that they happened to me.

Memory is like a tree; when you are hurt, the wound heals but leaves a scar as memory lingers on. As you experience more things, sometimes the scar gets covered up but it's still inside you. Sometimes the scar is visible. However, you are a better person because of it.

I am grateful for everything I have experienced even if it nearly killed me or left me with regrets, I learned so much and I am stronger through those experienced. I would not change anything and keep them in my mind and heart.

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Blessings of Mission

Thinking back on my mission:

There were good times

There were bad times

There were joyous times

There were sorrowful times

There were fun times

There were hard times

Reconnecting with my mission:

I loved God's children

I helped them

I served them

I taught them

God's children love me

They help me

They serve me

They teach me

Drops of tear forming in my eyes:

I listen to God's children thank me

I recall baptisms of people I taught

I remember testimonies of recent converts

I think about investigators who didn't accept the gospel

I look back on arguments I had

I hear stories of God's children falling away

Still being a missionary:

I have to be an example

I have to study the scriptures

I have to pray

I have to go to the temple

I have to take the sacrament

I have to magnify my calling

I have to love all God's children

I have to have the countenance of Christ

I have to be perfect

(Moroni 10:32&33)

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