Looking for the Perfect One; Being the Perfect One

I am writing this based off of these two articles/posts: How to Find a Real Man and Dating Advice: Looking Past the List.

I have never made a list of qualities I look for in a woman that I want to marry. Don't ask me why because it was never intentional. However, as I went on a lot of dates and dated a few girls, I realized that I don't really have a "list" of qualities that attracts me. In a way, I just go on dates with those whom I find fun and intriguing. However, if I were to make a list right now, I would say that the most important things (see how it's plural?) are me feeling like she has a testimony of the gospel, being able to have intellectual conversations, and being able to see my potential. Those are the things I always look for.

However, I learned that the list that I make should be for us to develop first. It means that we should develop those qualities first before looking for someone with those qualities because if he/she doesn't think you have those qualities, that person wouldn't want to date you either. For myself, if a girl doesn't feel like I have a testimony of the gospel, why does it matter if I feel that she does?

I know that the whole point of the second article is about looking past the list. However, the list that she was talking about consisted of physical qualities; whereas, mine is not (maybe the second one on my list is still a lot to ask). I understand her point. I really do, and there are no buts. Going along with some of her points, I do think that I am focused on finding the perfect one. To me the perfect one is someone who has it all, with whom I would not doubt my decision of dating/marrying her.

However, it is hard to not doubt or fear in a relationship. Why? Because we all want to make the right decision. It's obvious that no one wants to get a divorce and be unhappy. However, as the first article talks about, we need to work at it. I have learned that very recently unfortunately. I have ended a relationship because I thought that relationships are supposed to last forever just naturally. That's not true. Do you have a good relationship with your parents or siblings even though you fought with them all the time? You have to work hard to love them! It's the same with dating; you have to work to continue to love them and love them even more when you find out about their weaknesses and faults (I am sure you will find a lot of them when you get married).

Looking for the one you want to marry doesn't work by just you looking. It takes time and effort searching, but most importantly, it takes you becoming the one that the girl/boy of your dreams would like to marry. You must become the person on your list to meet the person on your list. However, don't let what's not important/worldly/trivial qualities stop you from seeing the perfect person for you. Remember, if you are looking for a person who is perfect, you will miss the perfect person for you and that person will know that you are not perfect for him/her.

*I have said "the one" or "the perfect one" but know that I do believe that there are more than one person who could be perfect for you.