We are all afraid of conflicts which is dumb because through disagreements, we come up with the best solutions to problems. People think that when we are disagreeing, we are arguing. That's not true. You don't have to argue to disagree.
We can all disagree on things but discuss what we think without getting angry. What Margaret Heffernan said is true: when you "fight," you think more and more. Discussing and disagreeing help us to solidify out beliefs and thoughts.
I told you before that we all benefit each other. It doesn't matter if you don't agree with others because they can still benefit you by helping you solidify your thoughts or by helping you rethink your ideas.
Whatever the case might be, we need to speak up when we disagree. Don't go along with what others are doing. It's OK to be an anomaly. It's OK to contradict others. Like I said before, be an AGENT of yourself. Don't let others make choices for you.
I know that she's talking about women but I feel the same way about myself. We pretend like we got everything figured out but we don't. We pretend like we don't have any weaknesses but we do.
It's OK to show people that you are not perfect. It's OK to admit that you don't know anything. I just learned that recently. Heck, you know a lot about my weaknesses. You know that I am not perfect. Did that change how people view me? Well, yes but that didn't push people away.
Realization #1
In my psychology class, my non-LDS professor talked about whether God matters (in psychology, of course). He said that professors here at BYU who are devout Mormons do not pray before they start their research. Then I started to think about my life. Do I involve God in everything I do? I do not. Do I believe that God matters in my life? I do.
So this is what I should do. I should involve God in everything I do: taking tests, doing my homework, going to work, going to classes, asking a girl out on a date, etc.
Realization #2
In one of my classes today, a professor showed this video. As I was watching it, I couldn't help write down some of the thoughts/inspirations I received. It is true that no one knows how long you are going to live. You might have a disease that you don't know about like Powers's mother. Maybe, you will get in an accident tomorrow.
What I realized is that I have to seize the day (carpe diem); however, it's more than a day that I need to seize. I need to seize my life. Seize the life!
There are things you can control and things you can't control. I can't change the direction that clouds move. I can't control a lot of things. However, what I can control is what I should do. I should act instead of reacting or being acted upon. I am an agent of my life.
So I am going to ask a girl out on a date.
Realization #3
There are so many things that a girl can benefit from going on a date. I am not saying that in a boastful or prideful way. I think we all can benefit from each other. It could be from learning what each other is interested in to learning to be more patient. I don't care how I benefit this girl I want to ask out. I know that she will benefit and that's all I want her to get out of. If she's not willing to go on a date with me, she won't benefit from whatever I have to offer. I don't know what I have to offer but I know that there are things I can offer.
The same goes for all of you. We all have a lot to offer to each other. That's why relationships (e.g., friendship, parent-child relationship, romantic relationship) are so important in our lives. We can't survive without having a relationship with someone.
Learn from others. Teach others. Live in a world where relationship matters. Where God matters.
Notice that I did not label this as "depression" meaning it does not make me depressed. I just want to talk about few things.
You know the worst thing about getting out of a relationship? It's not spending weekends by yourself. It's not being depressed. The worst thing about getting out of a relationship is that you lose your best friend, who cares about you, who listens to you whenever you need to vent, and who makes you feel secure. I miss that more than anything.
People told me how they are jealous that I could still be friends with girls I dated. I thought this was the case until recently. I can't be friends with them because it hurts them for me to talk to them. I decided to not get hurt so it doesn't bother me anymore, but I don't want to hurt them so I shouldn't talk to them. No, I can't be friends with girls I dated because I care about them too much.
They are better off without me. What they probably don't realize is that while they are still hanging out friends on weekends, I am in my apartment by myself doing absolutely nothing productive. Do I feel bad for myself? No. I deserve it. I hope they will be happy.
My favorite movie is now "500 Days of Summer." I am definitely not saying that I hate girls. I just feel like I can relate to that movie so much. Things that happen in the movie, especially what Tom felt and thought throughout the movie, were what I have experienced in my dating life.
I know many girls don't like this movie. Now you understand why many guys don't like "chick flicks" (I am not pointing at myself).
Another thing I like about this movie is how Tom was willing to ask a girl out even after his heart got destroyed. He realized that things do happen for a reason and was able to move on from his last relationship. It's true that I can relate to his emotions during his dating period but I love how this movie ends. It gives me hope. It teaches me that I need to take a chance, two chances, or however chances I need to take.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-
As many of you might know, my brother is getting married on the 14th of December. Also, I will be having some interviews (hopefully) for grad schools soon. So I came to this conclusion: "I need a suit." My roommate, R., has bought a suit recently that he loves so I decided that I would go to the same store where R. got his suit.
Today, R. took me there and I tried on some suits and found the one that I liked. It didn't have a vest so I asked the owner and he told me that he could just order one. It's a dark blue suit with blue paisley pattern on the inside. Then the next door does alteration and the owner was a Korean lady so she gave me a discount. :) The total of a 3-piece suit with alteration around $400. No regrets. I am not worried about the money at all. I am just so stoked about wearing that suit.
I am even going to buy a new white shirt and a pair of dress shoes for the occasion. I AM SO EXCITED!
Event #2
When I came home after getting a suit, I checked my email and got an email from a professor of one of my classes. This is what he said:
Kyoo
Hi there. You got one of the highest paper grades in the class - congrats. As a result, I wonder if you might be willing to email me your paper. I'd like to keep it as an example for future generations of students, but, also as a sample student paper in my portfolio I will submit next year when I apply for tenure. I'll remove your name.
Also, you inquired about working on research with me. Remind me what your specific research interests are and what you plan to do for grad school and a career thereafter.
Thanks for being a great student,
Sam
I checked and I got 95 out of 100. The fact that he wanted to use my paper as an example for later AND as a sample paper! I was very flattered in many ways. Also, he is thinking about having me as one of his research assistant. That is awesome!
Overall
It's been a really good day. I even thought about asking a girl out on a date but I had to resist that. Too much, Kyoo. Too much. My excitement does not carry over to how she feels about me.
Anyways, I was happy today. I hope everyday will be like this.
I guess this isn't exactly what I came up with but it's always good to listen to an Apostle of the Lord. I really like the fifth one.
"First, parents can pray in earnest, asking our Eternal Father to help them love, understand, and guide the children He has sent to them. "Second, they can hold family prayer, scripture study, and family home evenings and eat together as often as possible, making dinner a time of communication and the teaching of values. "Third, parents can fully avail themselves of the Church’s support network, communicating with their children’s Primary teachers, youth leaders, and class and quorum presidencies. By communicating with those who are called and set apart to work with their children, parents can provide essential understanding of a child’s special and specific needs. "Fourth, parents can share their testimonies often with their children, commit them to keep the commandments of God, and promise the blessings that our Heavenly Father promises His faithful children. "Fifth, we can organize our families based on clear, simple family rules and expectations, wholesome family traditions and rituals, and “family economics,” where children have household responsibilities and can earn allowances so that they can learn to budget, save, and pay tithing on the money they earn."
I had many friends who encouraged me and let me know that they care about me. I realized that I can't let them down.
It is true that I felt like there was nothing that motivated me to go on; however, if the Celestial Kingdom is filled with families and friends who care about me, I think it's worth it.
Heaven is filled with people whom you love and care. Heaven is filled with people who love you and care about you.
It is true that I might not reunite with my family after this life. It is true that I have really hard time with my family. My heart aches and I am sad that this is the case. However, God is omnipotent and omniscience.
He has blessed with me with wonderful families in the Church who took me in and cared for me. They loved me. They strengthened me. They taught me the gospel. I do love my own parents (if I didn't, I wouldn't feel hurt right now); however, I am grateful for all these families who gave me the knowledge of the gospel. I wish I had pictures of them but I don't.
My motivations to live are starting to diminish. Eternal family: that's gone. Being a parent: I feel like my children would be better off with someone else.
What else is there to live? Nothing.
I am seriously considering writing a will now. Why? Because I don't even know when things will happen that I won't be around anymore.
It won't be too hard to write it. I already thought about it and it won't say much.
My new interest is Google+. I don't care much about pictures and what not but I love going to Local and looking at different restaurants and giving them reviews. It's actually pretty fun and I love reading what others said about restaurants that I've been and I love.
I guess it's kind of substituting my Facebook time...
