Understanding Prayer

Monday, April 8, 2013 (From my journal)

I decided as I watched General Conference, I felt that I needed to study about prayers so that I would have more effective prayers. This morning I slept in until 6:52 and I had to work at 7:00 so I didn't pray at all even though I remembered that I should pray. So at work, I decided to start studying about prayer. In the Bible dictionary, it is stated that we forget or have “difficulties” praying because we forget our relationship - parent/child relationship - with God. I thought this was pretty interesting and profound. I think I have a difficulty understanding why understanding this relationship would help me pray more often and sincerely since I do not feel that way with my parents; I would rather not talk to them and tell them what is going on with my life. However, I can see why this is true for many people because their parents are their best friends and they have better relationships with their parents than I with my parents.

What does it mean to correspond our will with God’s will? Does that mean sharing my will and understanding His will? God always has blessings in store for us but we must ask to receive them. Why is that? Is that because we need to know what those blessings are? Is it so that we would appreciate those blessings that God is willing to give us? To recognize His hand in all things? It is not just about asking but asking for the right thing, or God’s will, to be realized. Perhaps, what I need to pray for is to understand His will and plan for me.

When my prayers don’t get answered, it could be that I am praying out of my selfish desires or it’s not God’s will or timing. I don’t think it’s one or the other but both. I might pray with many selfish intentions without thinking of others or understanding how it could affect others. Am I praying only for myself instead of others? I usually pray for myself. I need to fix that and think of others and pray for them. What I pray should be what Christ would pray for.

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Movies and Crying (Bawling)

I don't usually cry during movies. That's especially true when I watch movies with people. However, when I watch sad movies by myself, it's like a fire hose. I can't stop it. My eyes and my nose decide to let everything out. It's unstoppable...

Anyways, tonight I watched a Korean movie called "Hello Ghost." It was really funny and I enjoyed it so much! However, I didn't know about the twist at the end which just made me bawl my eyes out! I literally cried like I've never had...since I watched "17 Miracles" by myself.

I feel so good right now. :)

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Spring Will Come

Spring Will Come

Under a grey winter sky

I pause while passing by

Dryness bares its fangs

On a bare thread hangs

Leaves desperate to hang on

Down below the grounds beckon.

For a moment a little doubt

Would new leaves sprout? 

From surround serene and calm

I hear the winds hum

No doubt the spring will come. 

Pradip Chattopadhyay

The indexing competition must be over because I am blogging a lot more now.

I found this poem and I like it. I feel like it's describing my life. One of my favorite people, Bro. C., told me long ago that spring will come after winter. It's true. Everything seems so dead and lifeless right now but spring always comes.

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Dream, Rain, Song

This morning I woke up feeling kind of sad and depressed; I had a dream that bothered my peace. I don't remember exactly what I dreamt but I remember crying and being very upset about something. How could emotions from a dream carry over to the real life? I can't answer that even though I am a (future) Psychologist.

Basically, the day didn't start out the way I would like it to but I tried to cheer myself up. I tried watching Mormon Message videos such as this one: 

and read the Book of Mormon. Unfortunately, it helped only a little.

Then I heard raindrops outside as I was getting read to go to work. It was still dark out and I couldn't see well but I saw that the ground was wet. It was either raining or rained already. I love rain but today it just made me even more somber (I think that is the best word to describe how today is). It's not in a "life stinks" way but it's just "where is this going" kind of a way.

I guess you didn't know this but I wrote a song to ask a girl out on a date. It was fun writing the song so I've been trying to write another song; however, even though I figured out what chords I want to use and strumming patterns, I couldn't think of what I wanted to write about.

The future is unknown because we only live in the present; however, we know the future because we made choices because of the future. I have no idea what I am saying right now but I want to do my best. I don't want to give up easily anymore. I want to keep trying and trying. Even if I get hurt trying, I know that I've done my best and the Lord will consecrate my efforts.

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Back in Business...or Blogging

I haven't had much time to blog because I have been indexing like crazy this month but now I have some time since I've met my goal of 20,000 for this month and I am pretty sure my ward is going to win the stake indexing competition.

Anyways, I had  a ton of time at work to watch Ted talks again and this caught my attention:



It's Psychology so why wouldn't I watch it? I am not a huge fan of Neuro-Psychology but I thought the idea was cool. I don't necessarily agree even with using medication to treat mental illness either. Just watch it. It's interesting.

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The Issue is...

There is a huge issue of gay marriage going around the US and also in the Church. Members are split on pro-gay marriage and anti-gay marriage.

I am not going to talk about gay marriage. All I will say about that is I sustain and support prophets, seers, and revelators.

"What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same." -Doctrine and Covenants 1:38-

"Sustain" means: to give support or relief to, to supply with sustenance : nourish,  keep up, prolong, to support the weight of : prop; also : to carry or withstand (a weight or pressure), to buoy up , and to bear up under.

We sustained and will sustain our prophets, seers, and revelators during each General Conference and in local meetings time to time. I think we all need to figure out what that means.

"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." -Revelation 3:16-

On the other hand, I also believe that Satan is trying really hard to heighten the conflict in the world and within the Church. This issue is getting so intense that people of the Church are getting divided. God doesn't want that. He wants His people to be united as a Zion, one heart and one mind. If we let this issue get to our heads too much, we will start to judge each other and start having contention against one another.

The issue is not gay marriage, politics, or who's right and who's wrong. The issue is "are we loving God and love our neighbors (the two greatest commandments)?".

"If ye love me, keep my commandments." -John 14:15-

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Being a Father

Free time at work. Whaaaaat?

I have been indexing like CRAAAAZY so I haven't had time to blog but today I do!

I've been thinking about what it means to be a father. In the Marriage Prep class, we have been talking about how if we have a list of qualities that we want in our future spouses, that list should be for us, who we should become. I realized that I want someone who has motherly qualities; therefore, I need to have fatherly qualities. I started to think about what that meant. What does it mean to be a father? It meant being selfless, humble, patient, and charitable. A father works all day so that a child can open a door to a pantry or a fridge and expect to find food without any doubt.

As I thought about this, I realized that having father-like qualities means having Christlike (or God-like) attributes. Our Heavenly Father is, obviously, our Father. He loves and cares for us. What dose He do for us? Everything. He provides whatever we need. He protects us from harm. We, like a little child, expects to find things without knowing where they come from (blessings are all around us).

Basically, to be a father, I need to develop Christlike attributes. When I start to become more father-like, I would be able to develop Christlike love toward others as well because I will understand God's love for all of His children.

Additionally, this morning I listened to Elder Oaks talk from the last General Conference. He said:

"Children are highly vulnerable. They have little or no power to protect or provide for themselves and little influence on so much that is vital to their well-being. Children need others to speak for them, and they need decision makers who put their well-being ahead of selfish adult interests." -Protect the Children-

As we are powerless to God, children are also powerless to us. As God loves, cares, and protects us, we must love, care, and protect our children.

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A Competition?

Are our lives all about competing? Was this world created so we can all come down and compete to be the best we can? I don't believe it. I don't believe that we have limited resources in this world that we have to fight for them.

People talk about how if you can't become the best in a field, you shouldn't be in it at all. If you can't do it, don't try it at all. It's OK to push people down so that you can get to the top. If you can't compete, you will never be able to become something/someone you want to be.

"And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die..." -2 Nephi 28:8 (emphasis added)-

Sound familiar? If you believe that is how we should live our lives, why did Christ give up His life for all of us? It doesn't make any sense. It will never make any sense to those who believe that view.

I say that life is not a competition. We all have the same goal: eternal life. Eternal life cannot be obtained by yourself. For one, you have to be married to truly have Eternal life. I capitalized "E" of Eternal life because Eternal is God's name (Doctrine and Covenants 19:10-12). You will never have God's life without being married in the temple.

Now going back to the concept that life is not a competition. Can you truly be saved by yourself? If there was no one around for you to love (to keep the greatest two commandments), how can you be saved? How can you develop Christlike attributes?

You say you need to compete to get resources to serve others? Then why would people give and serve others so much? Can we all not succeed? Are resources really limited? Can we all obtain those resources? Let's think about the Law of Consecration. We should live principles of the Law of Consecration. Pride of money will always bring out the natural man. Lose it. Just serve others.

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Uncertainty

Uncertainty. It's something that is not pleasing at all. Why? Because you do not know. Not knowing gives you fear. Fear overtakes faith.

Right now, my life is full of uncertainties. I don't know what's going to happen after I graduate in 7 weeks or so. I don't know what I am doing with my personal life.

I guess it doesn't make me depressed but it worries me. Meta-worry (worrying about worrying) kills me also. I am worried that I am worrying about all these uncertainties.

These uncertainties might come from me more than anyone else. I am not confident with myself. I feel like I am not good enough. I don't have high self-esteem or self-confident. Sometimes I feel like it's easier for me to give up on everything because I feel like there is no point in trying when I know (I think I know) that nothing is going to work out. That's why before, I wanted to just drop everything and move to Africa where there are less expectations.

I don't have a solution. I have no clue what is expected of me from God. If I have uncertainties and if I start to get worried about these uncertainties, I am lacking faith for sure. I am not going to lie that I know I am lacking faith right now. I want to be strong. I want to exercise my faith but I don't know what to do. I don't know anything. All I know is that God knows me and loves me. I know that the Savior died for me. I know the truthfulness of the gospel but I don't know or am not sure about anything else.

What am I to do?

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Persistence of Vision

Persistence of vision is "the phenomenon that produces the illusion of movement when viewing motion pictures."

When you think about the image above, there are multiple shots of a person riding a horse. If you were to turn that into a film, you would see the person on a horse moving.

Life is like this: we are in motion all the time; however, we are still in the moment. Let me clarify it. We are so busy moving, acting, doing things that we forget to stop and think about what's going on right now. We forget to be happy now as Elder Uchtdorf stated.

"The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives."

We shouldn't just go through life without enjoying what is around us right now. Don't miss out on what is around you.

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