Losing Yourself in the Service of God

I might cry as I type this.

Life is hard. All of us go through life with trials and adversities. Yesterday was my birthday and I had a great time; however, there still was a challenge that I just needed tell someone about. I complained to a good friend from my mission, and my companions and I reactivated her family. She and I talked to each other frequently and I would tell her what was happening in my life and she would tell me bits and pieces of her life. Well, when I complained to her, she texted me back and told me that we are in the "pit together" but she had more problems than I did. As soon as I found out what she was going through, I felt terrible and guilty that I just complained to her about something so small when she's going through so much crap (excuse my language but I don't know how else to say it other than "crap" or another word that could offend some people) and I knew that I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself at this point but do my best to help her. I can move on. I will survive. However, she was pretty much left with nothing.

I cried for her. I cried with her. We talked for hours while she was sitting in her car in front of a grocery store. I didn't know what to tell her. I prayed with her over the phone because she didn't want to pray. I talked about things I learned over the past few days, weeks, and months. I wanted to be there for her but I can't.

The worst part is when I didn't have answer to her question: "Why is everything happening to me?" What am I supposed to say? "God loves you. He knows you. He will help you out." She knew those answers and I knew she didn't want to hear them from me. At least, not now. I just listened to her and learned so much about her life and what she went through. What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to help her?

Dear A., if you ever read this, know that you inspire me and teach me so much. This has been a learning and growing experience for me.

I would cry so much more when I think about what she's going through but I can't right now because I am at work. I hate that I am at work.