Not a Life-or-Death Situation

I had a pretty crappy day yesterday. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I was probably too excited to sleep or something but that excitement faded away when I checked my email.

The rest of the day did not improve because giving tours to new students is not fun at all. It's annoying and very tiring. On top of this fire, my work schedule added some more fuel. (Yes, I hated my schedule because I have work and classes right after one another.) On top of that the off-campus housing denied my waiver. Nothing happened as I hoped.

Yes, I could say it was the worst day of my life. Yes, I could say that I would have given up everything and gone to bed early. However, I reflected on what Joey said about how I kept bringing up my friend's "huge zit" (not really a zit) to laugh and make myself feel better. I did laugh a lot today. I just chose to feel down and have a negative attitude all day. I didn't think about how much fun I had helping new students, talking to my co-workers and friends, enjoying my time with many friends while watching some movies, etc. I did have a great day. Why didn't I recognize it before? I was too obsessed with all the bad things that happened today that I didn't see all the good things that happened. Now I think about it, all the "bad" things weren't that bad at all. They just annoyed me but they either worked out or they will work out eventually. It's no big deal.

Nothing that happened is like a life-or-death situation. I don't have to make extreme choices or it's not life threatening. It's not a big deal so why did I make a big deal out of them?
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men." -2 Nephi 31:20-
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." -D&C 121:7-8-
Classic but how much I lacked that steadfastness, hope, and endurance as I went about this day. I have to always look for good in my life and try to magnify them to fill my life. Nothing should get me down. I should always think of them as trials which will eventually strengthen me for worse events. There is an opposition in all things and I feel like I had the best and the worst time yesterday because I experience one to experience the other.

I learned a very valuable lesson which I hope to remember for the rest of my life. I choose to be happy. I choose to smile. I choose to laugh. I choose life.

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Once In A While

Once in a while, I cry. Not because I am sad but because I am so inspired by people who go through so much in their lives but continue to smile and live their lives with the Eternal Perspective.

This blog, Coping with Cancer, is the blog which made me cry today. Such a beautiful and sad story of a family who had to deal with a tumor in the beloved father and husband's brain. I love the author's words as she explains what happened and how she copes with all this as the husband loses his strength and becomes bedridden.

Be inspired...

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What Makes Me Mad Part 1

1. Bishop in my parents' ward

Just to let everybody know that my dad is less-active in the Church. I asked my mom who their hometeachers are and she informed me that they haven't been hometaught since they moved to California. I decided to talk to their bishop about it on Sunday.

I told him that my parents don't have hometeachers and his response was, "Not everybody has hometeachers." What the (censored)!! Are you (censored) me?! NOT EVERYBODY HAS HOMETEACHERS?!!!! Then I told him how my dad has gone less-active but he had no soul and showed no emotion whatsoever and said, "Oh, I am sorry. I thought I hadn't seen him for a while." YOU, sir, are the worst bishop ever! You are not a steward over the ward that you are responsible for.

2. My car

My car battery died completely. I can't jump start it because the engine wouldn't start at all. I know it's the battery because other electric things don't work either (door locks, windows, etc). I hate my car.

3. California

I served in Los Angeles, California and I loved it. A year after I came home, I went back and I hate it now. Someone tried to break into my car and messed up the key cylinder. I hate going to my parents' house because it's always the same thing I have to deal with. California, you are on my bad list.

4. Myself

How hard is it to say few words like "Will you go on a date with me?"?

All of the above gets a loser award

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Thandie Newton: Embracing otherness, embracing myself

Thandie Newton: Embracing Otherness, Embracing Myself from ted.com

What does it mean to embrace myself? I have acknowledged that I am Korean and I am different from everybody else. I can't fix that. What about being a Mormon? I think knowing that I am different than anybody else helps me realize who I am. However, at the same time, acknowledging that I am different makes me feel lonely. I feels like no one can really understand me. I guess we really can't understand each other because in the end, we are different. Perhaps, that's why we get offended or say bad things about each other.

Anyways, going back to embracing myself, I am defined "otherness" as Newton said. I can't form who I am without viewing what's around me. I identify myself because I compare and contrast myself with others. Who am I without others? Nothing (holistic monism, again).

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I Am NEVER Doing This Again

1. Drinking two energy drinks in 10 hours
I just came back from California and drove for 10 hours straight. I knew I was going to be bored, tired, and sleepy so I decided to get some 5-hour energy drinks. After driving for five hours, I started to get drowsy again and I wasn't going to let myself fall asleep so what did I do? I took another energy drinks. I don't recommend it to anyone. I could feel my body trembling a little. I was dizzy when I finally arrived home and moving my stuff back to the apartment. I couldn't sleep! I was lying on my bed for four hours but couldn't fall asleep. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

2. Driving for 10 hours straight by myself
Your back cramps up and you get bored. It's just you and your music in the car (for my case, also with energy drinks). It's the worst experience ever. I had to sing out loud and talk to myself (yes, I do that) to keep myself awake and entertained. Even now, my back is all messed up from popping so much. If I drove with someone else, I would have had much better time and we could have switching off the driver.

That could've been me

3. Eating every hour
While I was in California, my parents made me eat every hour. I would get full by dinner time and would go to bad feeling so sick. I think I gained 10 lbs just being at my parents' house. I hate eating. I am going back to my college student diet.

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Trip to Cali-dumb-ia

I knew I had to be updating my blog sooner or later. I haven't been good at writing posts because I hadn't worked for days.

Anyways, I am just going to transfer some excerpts from my journal.

"Sunday, August 7, 2011
I found a sacrament meeting at 8:30 in the morning in JFSB. After I took the sacrament and got changed, I headed to Sacramento. It was definitely an adventure. I don’t even know how I survived such a long drive (actually I do know how: energy drinks). I had to stop time to time to rest and stretch my back because it got so stiff. I had to sit differently every now and then to relieve some pain from my back. I took some pictures when I stop or while driving.

I left Provo around 9 am and I got to Sacramento around 7 pm. That was such a long drive. I was glad I bought some energy drinks to keep me awake but that also gave me a massive headache when I got to my parents’ house. I got fed so much that I went to bed with a stomachache which is never a good feeling.

"Monday, August 8, 2011
 I called Mama Amaya, Josefina Bonilla and the Sosas to find out what time I can visit them so I got a schedule for tomorrow. I was so excited to talk to Mama Amaya because it’s been such a long time since I’ve talked to her and she told me that she’s with her daughter and her grand-children! She’s able to see them more often than she used to! I am so happy for her! :)

"Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I left to LA 7 in the morning and arrived in LA around 1:30. I wanted to see Katie and her children but they weren’t home. I didn’t write down her apartment number for some reason so I had to talk to her neighbors trying to figure out the apartment number. I was accepted so easily by them even though I am an outsider. This is what it’s like to be an outsider without a name tag, a tie, and a white shirt.

Anyways, I decided to just visit the Sosas and they were awesome! I love Hannah, Kailey and even Jasmine who were there just clinging onto me. Little Romeo can walk and talk now! Oh my goodness! He’s getting bigger! Before I came home, he could barely crawl! Ashley told me that she’s more excited to get her endowment than her patriarchal blessing so I told her that’s not bad at all. She should be more excited or anxious about getting her endowment because that’s the only way to enter the Celestial kingdom. She was actually scared than excited about getting her endowment because no one told her what’s going on in the temple and that it’s such a big secret. I assured her that she’s not going to be naked in front of everybody but explained to her what really happens (without telling her really important things). She was kind of mad that everybody makes it so weird and secretive about the endowment. Unfortunately, there was a time for me to leave them for another year or so... :( Next person I visited was Josefina Bonilla. She was really happy to see me and started telling me what was going on in her life. I forgot how much she loves to talk. It sounded like she still has hard time finding opportunities to work but her son started working for this company which is really a blessing for her and him. She updated me on her neighbor whom I used to teach but she wasn’t willing to change so missionaries dropped her. Anyways, it was so happy to hear that Josefina is so strong in the Church and she will never go less active.

I was at the Fonis when Sister Foni invited Keith to come to their house with Destiny. I played tag with Destiny for a while and she has grown for sure. I was sad to leave them so early though because I had to meet with Mama Amaya and she broght Mason, her grandson with her. We went to a pupuseria and had some pupusas but for some reason, I wasn’t feeling very well. It must’ve been from driving so much. She told me how her and her daughter started to see each other again: Soon after Mama started working at the temple, she got a call from her daughter saying that she wants her mom back. She knows that that is a blessing from the Lord and even her daughter started praying with her and with kids. It sounds like she’s coming around. :) Also, Jaida still has the picture I gave her before I left the area and whenever her friends ask her about it, she explains to them the meaning of the picture. I actually wanted to see her but she had a soccer practice. I love Mama Amaya so much!

I went back to the Fonis after dinner with Mama Amaya. I wasn’t feeling great so Sister Foni made some tea for me. While they were singing on karaoke, their software would stop and play again so I got on their computer and tried to figure out what was wrong. Along with that, I helped them with bunch of other things on their computers. They needed help figuring out how to write on a PDF file, fixing an iPod, etc.

"Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I spent a night at the Fonis and when I woke up, they were still asleep. I checked on my car which was definitely not functioning properly. I am not very happy about that. I will have to take it to a shop and it will cost me a fortune. Freaking crap!

When the Fonis woke up (there were only Brother and Sister Foni because everybody else lives somewhere else now), they made me breakfast then Brother Foni took a look at my car and checked some things for me. When he checked, the transmission fluid was super low but filling it up didn’t fix the real problem though.

After that, I talked to Sister Foni who told me how they had so much back in New Zealand then they received a revelation that they had to move to Utah. Now they don’t have much and don’t have a job but they know everything will work out. Her story inspired me so much. Everyone’s story inspired me so much. I feel like my testimony isn’t growing while their testimony grows stronger and stronger.

"Friday, August 12, 2011
Can you say Kyoo’s worst day ever? I woke up early to get my car fixed and when I walked up to my car to put the key into the hole, what the heck? The cylindar was all messed up. Yes, someone tried to break into my car. Nothing was missing from what I could see so they failed but they managed to mess up the key hole. I had to get in from the trunk in order to drive. I was so upset that I just sat on the curb for few minutes before I drove off.

At the shop, I waited for a couple of hours before they came up with some estimates. There were a lot of things that were wrong with the car but I only needed to fix whatever was causing the engine to shake so much. They told me to fix that it would cost me about $360 and that was nothing to compared to getting a new transmission which I thought was the problem. Also, to fix the key cylindar, they had to wait till Tuesday to get the part which I didn’t have time for. I will be heading back to Utah on Monday and that is set. I will have to get that fixed when I go back.

While they were working on my car, I ventured this city for a bit. I saw some people holding up some signs to direct people into different parking spots. At first, I didn’t know why they were gathering at a convention center in Sacramento then later I realized that they are there for a Jehovah’s Witnesses convention. After venturing for a while, I settled down at a playground that I saw while I was driving to the shop. It was pretty nice with the wind and the shade. I sat on a bench under a tree and read “Jane Eyre.” What a perfect moment and place to read that book. I saw a woodpecker pecking away at the tree I was sitting under with a squirrel eating a nut of some sort below the woodpecker. I saw children playing at the playground while their mothers watched them. I saw people walking their dogs. I saw homeless people lying on grass. After an hour or so, I decided to join the homeless people and lied down on grass to take a nap. When I felt the sensation of my soul leaving my body, my phone started to vibrate. It was from the shop and he wanted to show me something. ‘That’s never good,’ I thought.

When I arrived at the shop, he told me that he found another thing wrong with the engine which caused the fire starters or whatever to break down. He gave me an estimate to fix whatever was wrong: $1700! I told him that there’s no way of paying him that much money so I told him to leave it alone and I left to venture this city again but not for too long because I had to use the restroom. I found a little cafe/restaurant which looked like it had a restroom. I went in and got a croissant pudding and a bottle of orange juice so I could be a “customer” to use the restroom. While I was enjoying the croissant pudding, I got a call from the shop telling me that they are done fixing the car. Sigh, finally."

Pictures will be posted soon.

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My Path: Brigham Young University Before Mission

I am going to do this in two parts. The first is the path I took when I was at Brigham Young University before I left on my mission.

Wyview

Before I start, I have to tell you how I got into Wyview housing especially where I moved into. I was looking for an apartment very late in August. Classes have started already but I had some problems so I had to drop all my classes and give my room I already reserved to someone else. However, I was able to resolve the problems so I added whatever classes I could add. (I took both of the Book of Mormon classes.) The housing, however, was still a problem because the room I had was already taken and I couldn't figure out where I was going to live. I went to the on-campus housing office and they told me that there was a room that just opened up at Wyview. I was thrilled to hear that news and took it. That's how I got to room with Ian, Eric, and John. Why did I tell you this story? Because I got to get into Wyview because one of the guys who lived there was found dead in the bathtub. Because of this incident, two of the guys who lived there switched the room with Eric and John, but Ian stayed. There used to be an article on BYU website but I couldn't find it since it was a long time ago.

Ian Jones was my room-roommate. He's the one who got married few weeks ago and I was his groomsman. He was a MDT (Music-Dance-Theater) major so I got to hear him sing all the time. I also got to see him in his tights getting ready to go to his ballet class. He got me into playing guitar, The Last Five Years, Parkour and Free Running. He also invited me and Eric Ehrenzeller (different Eric than my roommate) to his family's thanksgiving dinner. Ian is very talented. He is an actor and a songwriter. He was in a Training Table commercial  and in a movie called "Saving Sarah Cain." He also wrote a song for his wife, April, called "Waiting for April." (I think) I am so grateful that he was my room-roommate because he motivated, without him knowing, me to pray and study the scriptures.

Eric Riggs (or tall Eric) was my another roommate and had an awesome taste of music. I learned to love Reel Big Fish and Flogging Molly. He just got married also. He was a fun guy to be with. He would have all these awesome ideas on what we could do that night. The way he talked and the words he used show what kind of person he is. (Sorry, Eric if your paragraph seems way too short for you. It's not that I don't like you. I just combined all the memories about you with other people.)

John T. (Troche, maybe) was a roommate who was not a member of the Church. I actually don't know how to spell his last name unfortunately. He was a catholic and the only reason why he came to BYU was to not burden his mom with tuition because his parents got divorced. He was probably the only missionary opportunity I had before my mission. Maybe not the only one but he was someone I really cared about. He met with sister missionaries but at the end he told me that unless the Church comes out and says what they have done in the past is wrong, he would join the Church. He also had problems with facsimiles in the Book of Abraham. I was really sad, no, the word "sad" doesn't describe how I felt. I felt like my friend died in an accident. I felt like I was useless. If I knew more about the Gospel... If I knew all the answers... Perhaps, he was a huge motivation for me to serve a mission. I don't know where he is and how he's doing. I called him when I came back from my mission but he never returned my call.

We are moving onto friends I made during this time.

Eric Rigg and Eric Ehrenzeller

It's funny how Eric Ehrenzeller (or short Eric) came to the same apartment I was staying at after the mission. He lived in an apartment above me during my Freshman year and when he came back from his mission, he moved into Brownstone where I was staying at. Pure coincidence or the tender mercy of the Lord. He had the craziest ides ever to hang out at night. The most fun I had was when we got razor scooters and did tons of shenanigans like setting a dumpster on fire, making noise bombs, and throwing bottles full of paint to a wall. He made me realize that being different is not a bad thing at all and he's a very smart guy who loves logic and philosophy. Some of them rubbed off on me. I love talking to him about my opinions and philosophy in life because he would help me expound on that. He's the person who will always be there if I ever need someone to rely on and to talk to.

Alex

Alex Whitlock is a character and also he had a car out of all of us (exception of Ian). He would also come with us to do some mischief and also go to Sushiya, all you can eat sushi restaurant. Eric, Eric, and Alex had an eventful night when they were out to find a place to set some noise bombs. They were driving around and stopped at a parking lot to figure out where to go, then suddenly, three cop cars blocked them in a triangular shape so that they couldn't go around them. Funny part was, Eric R. had a bag of all the bottles that were ready to be used on his back and Alex had a bright orange ski mask by the shift. The cops walked toward the car and started to ask them what they were doing. Apparently, there was a bank nearby, and somebody had tried to break in and set the alarm off. The cops saw Alex, Eric and Eric driving around that block and thought that they were pretty suspicious so while they parked at a parking lot, the cops decided to question them. Of course, when they found out that they were just BYU students, they let them go.

Joseph

Joseph Seeley moved in when the Winter semester started. Honestly, since I didn't know him, I thought he was pretty weird (no offense) but now I love him to death! He used to love everything European (maybe not everything) but I got a letter from him while I was at the MTC that he was going on his mission to South Korea. That was awesome! When he came back from his mission, I was able to talk to him in Korean and we got to enjoy some Korean food together. Also, his MTC companion was one of my companions while I was in the Korean program on my mission. Very cool. He and I used to meet together every Friday (during the Winter semester) before I had to work and we would just talk about what was going on with our lives. Now he has a girlfriend so he doesn't have time for me. Haha I am really happy for him though.

Tess

Last person, maybe, I want to talk about Tess Fontanetti. I met her through Ian because she used to be his girlfriend. She also lived in Wyview so I got to see her quite often. I have a really cool story that had happened. At this time, I've been praying for an opportunity to serve others for few days. One day, I was coming back from school and she was sitting outside of her apartment so I decided to talk to her. Ian had recently broken up with her so I knew she was a little down. We didn't talk about much interesting. I remember talking about my family. I came home and later that day, Ian came home and told me something very interesting. He told me that Tess has been praying for someone to talk to at that time and I happen to pass by to answer her prayer. What's really cool about it is that God also answered my prayer. I think I told this story few times on my mission. When I went into the MTC, she came to send me off (or in) with one of her and Ian's friends. Now she's going on her mission to Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

This is just a story that is kind of sad but funny at the same time. There was a crosswalk that connected from Wyview to the stadium parking lot. We used that all the time because it saved us time as we walked to campus. One night, I was coming home from a class and saw the road going toward Wyview was closed and there were an ambulance and some cop cars. I didn't know what was going home until I got home. As soon as I opened the door, Eric, Alex, Ian, Eric and Joseph (I don't honestly remember who were there) yelled, "Kyoo! You are alive!" Apparently, there was an accident and someone had died at that crosswalk. That person was wearing a jacket that looked exactly like mine so when one of them saw the jacket on the ground, they thought it was me who got hit by a car. After the incident, they closed the crosswalk altogether. We petitioned but they still closed it.

I had the opportunities to hang out with all of them after our missions and I love them so much. Some of them have moved on with their lives by getting married and having girlfriends and so on but they are still my buddies and I will always remember them. It wasn't just a coincidence that I got that room where a guy died. It wasn't a coincidence that Eric R. and John switched rooms with the other guys. Because of certain events, my life has turned and met these amazing people to discover myself and figure out for myself what kind of a person I want to be.

Related Posts
My Path: Macomb
My Path: Mission

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True Thoughts

Sometimes, I have things to say but I don't know what they are. I don't know how to form letters and words of what I am thinking. It is so especially on a cloudy day like today. I read a book and absorb myself into the world of imagination and fantasy but I fail to do so because of my reality of people asking me questions and my thoughts wander off to another place which cannot be seen by human eyes. I would sit, or stand, in front of a computer screen without being able to read anything on the screen because of blurry vision as my thoughts travel to another world where my thoughts are the absolute truth. I can make anything happen in this world as long as I desire it. I am loved, I am wealthy, I am a hero, I am not me. It's more fun not being me. It's more fun to defy everything that is not bound by the law of nature or the universal law.
Do I long for something more? Do I wish to be something more? What am I even writing on this blog? This is truly what I think almost everyday. Not those questions specifically but I ask myself questions and I try to answer them. I go back and forth with myself and have a conversation in my head. This has been the best method of coming up with answers and profound discoveries. I am not crazy; Perhaps, I am. I don't see being crazy as a bad thing. It just means that I am different than everybody. I am either above or below average. I am fine with that. I realized that I am a Psychology major mostly to analyze myself and understand myself. I have to know who I am first and help myself before I can help others. If I can't do that for myself, how am I supposed to figure out who other people are and help them?
Don't be creeped out about my thoughts. I am sure once in a while you think about the same thing. Maybe not the same thing but you think the same way. You wish to express yourself but nothing comes out except "I don't know." It's good to let it out time to time. I felt like all the burdens have been lifted from me as I express how I am feeling and what I am thinking. Even if I don't actually post this, I would still feel like I have expressed everything I wanted to somebody because it's coming out of my head into something that can be read and understood by others.

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I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 5

I lost count how many parts I had so far. I almost put part 4.

Anyways, where I work in the library, we can print out stuff for patrons who forgot their cards. (We still charge them.) We can see their net ID and their print job names. This is what I found. (I painted black over their net ID's for privacy issues.)

Yes, we know what you type as your print job names. Please, try not to write your passwords as your print job names.

*I had to add this part below later on.

IT'S A REAL ZOO IN THE LIBRARY! We almost had a pet in our department but I guess we can't have pets so they decided to let it die with a dignity. I censored the part where you might not like to see. It's not really gross though it just looked...natural.

Related posts

I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 4

I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 3

I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 2

I Work at a Zoo Called "Library"

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My Parents

Before I left on my mission

Yesterday, I called my mom like I always do on Sunday after church. I told her that I will be heading home on Sunday, August 7 and she was excited that she will be able to see me a day earlier than she expected. One thing she didn't expect, though, is that I will be going to Los Angeles on Tuesday, August 9. I expected some disappointments in her voice when I told her this but she was actually fine with it. She knew that I would be visiting people I taught on my mission and she knew I missed them so much. As I thought more about this, I realized how much my mom loved me enough to let me go to LA without any objections. If you didn't know, my parents hasn't seen me since October and my mom is very much attached to me. I am her best friend. I should be extra grateful to my mom and show her how much I love her while I am home.

This is a random picture, not me

Another thought I had was when I was about to fall asleep in my bed. When I am about to fall asleep, there are so many things that go through my mind and this is when I get the most brilliant ideas ever, then I wake up in the morning wondering what they were. Anyways, this one particular night, I was thinking about a family I was close with on my mission. I thought how much I love them and how excited I was to see them in two weeks. I thought of their children and I imagined one of them falling asleep next to me. I imagined carrying her to her bedroom and tucking her in her bed. Then I remembered my parents doing the same for me. I am a light-sleeper so if someone touches me or lifts me up, I wake up. Growing up, I would fall asleep in front of our TV then one of my parents would pick me up and would take me to my bedroom to tuck me in. Many times I would wake up but would pretend I was still sleeping, but I still remember the warmth of their bodies and the feeling of protection. I loved it and I would sometimes pretend to be asleep just so that my parents can pick me up and tuck me in.

My Parents At The Temple Square

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