Understanding Dating: Problem #2

Problem #2: A date means he wants to marry her
Girls: I know that not all of you girls think this but I know some of do. "He's asking me out = He's interested in me. He's a return missionary = He's looking for a wife. He's a return missionary and he's asking me out = He's interested in me and he wants to marry me!" And what about those guys who talk about marriage and qualifications for their wife on a first date?
Guys: Why do girls keep making a big deal out of a first date? Guys are afraid to ask girls out the second time because girls think that guys might like them so much that guys want to date them seriously and marry them.

To Girls: I assure you that guys want to marry you but most of the guys won't know that you are the person they want to marry until they go on dates with you and after DTR (determine the relationship). Yes, there will be some creepy, desperate RMs who will only talk about marriage and a trophy wife but that doesn't mean that all the guys are like that. A date could mean that they are interested in you enough to ask you out to get to know you but not necessarily true! Maybe he's falling for you, but just like you don't know whom you are going to marry, he doesn't know either. Many RMs also go on dates with lots of different girls not necessarily because they are interested in those girls but because they were commanded to by their stake presidents. Seriously, no pressure.

No offense whatsoever

To Guys: Of course, I am a guy so I know what you guys are thinking (or what I am thinking since I am the one writing this). I actually thought that the reason for making a big deal out of first dates might be different depending on the context but at the end, I came up with the same conclusion. If I am wrong, correct me since I am not a girl so I don't know what you are thinking (I wish I did though). A girl might be afraid that he's falling for her when she doesn't have the same kind of feeling for him. If it is true, it's pretty sad. Or they just had really bad dates in the past. Or they are really really not interested in you. Or they are just not interested in dating anybody because 1. they are dating somebody already, 2. they just sent off a missionary, 3. they are focused on graduating, or 4. they are lesbians. Or they really really really don't like you. Girls won't think that you want to marry them on the second date. I talked to a girl who told me that by the third or fourth date, girls know if they want to date the guy seriously or not.

Solutions to Problem #2
To Girls: Remember that not every guy is the same. Give them a chance no matter what but no pity date please. If you are not interested in them, don't give them "I am busy that day" or "I don't know if I can" bogus. They won't die if you flat out tell them that you are not interested. They will just move on and find someone else to bother. Also, if you do go on multiple dates with one guy but you don't think it will work out in a long run, let him know about it. Don't let him spend more money on you if you are not going to date him seriously because you will feel bad later and he most certainly will not enjoy that. If a guy does talk about marriage and what not, let him know that he is way too desperate to get married but you are not. However, if he is a nice guy but his head is just not in the right place, it might be worth a shot to go on a second date with him. You will never know.
To Guys: The best way to make girls comfortable and let them know that it's not a big deal is to make the date a group or a double date. You can make sure she knows that you are not pairing up if that would make her feel more comfortable. Or you could ask her to find a date for your friend or something so that she knows someone already.  If you are thinking about pursuing her, keep asking her out and hopefully she will let you know whether she wants to date you or not by the third or fourth date. If not, ask her or talk to her about it. (Kind of like DTR)

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