Understanding Dating: The Key

Once again, I would like to make it clear that I am not an expert at dating. I don't pretend to be either but give opinions on what I think. You, of course, do not have to agree and shouldn't find anything offensive since it's only one person's opinion.

The Key of Dating

I strongly feel that the major key of dating is open communication. It doesn't have to be the success of dating but also the "successful" failure of dating. Let me try to organize my ideas and present them to you in an orderly manner. I don't think I will be separating it into "guys" and "girls" this time or maybe I will.

I think that every guy should do this but it might depends on the context. After your date, walk her to the door and tell her how great the date was and how great she is. Then let her know that you would love to ask her out again sometime but also let her know that she doesn't have to feel pressured to go on another date with him. In my mind, I would say, "I had such a great time with you. You are really funny and I laughed so hard when (bring up an event that was funny) (OR) I really enjoyed (whatever you did for a date). You know, I would love to ask you out again in the near future, BUT (and yes, you have to say it with upper-case) if you are not interested going on dates with me, you can always reject me. I might cry a little inside (make it funny) but I will be all right." Now, the girl knows that you are interested in her but you are not asking her out again for the week after that AND she knows that there's no pressure for her to go on another date with you if you do ask her out. She doesn't have to feel bad because there's already a mutual agreement that it's nothing serious.

And I think girls should take an opportunity like this to express how they feel. I've been talking to my friends and they learned so much about girls they are/were pursuing by talking to them and letting them know how they felt then they opened up. Girls, you shouldn't be afraid to "break" guys' hearts. They won't die. You should have an open communication with them so that they don't think you are leading them on and that you are interested in them. Guys would hate to spend money on girls who are not interested in them (I would too) so please, let us know. You can say something like, "I really enjoyed our date. You are a really sweet guy but (bless his heart) I am [looking for this type... OR not looking for a boyfriend... OR not interested in dating you] (OR) maybe we could just be friends (I like that better)." Of course, you will feel bad for him but he needs to grow up and if he throws a fit about it, you wouldn't feel bad for him at all and you would be glad that you crushed his (insert a way offensive word for "jerk" then turn it into an adjective) heart. Also, don't go on pity dates with guys because it will only lead them on.

So what is the key of dating? Open Communication!

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Questions? Concerns? Doubts? If you have any of them, you write your own blog about 'em.

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I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 6

Before you read this, I have to tell you that everything I write about the library is a true story.


A patron came up to the desk (he's actually still here next to me while I am writing this) and wanted to print from his laptop. I told him that he needed to download a software to print. Then he asked me if he needed to put money on his card if he didn't have enough. I told him yes. Then he asked, "If I call my mom right now and have her put money on my account, can I print then?" "...yes"

You are in college and you need your mom to put money on your account? Where is your money? Don't you have a credit card or a debit card?.

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First sign of people looking for staplers: They come closer to the help desk.
Next sign: They look around at the desk for something.
Next: They open their mouth.
Then they look at my finger pointing at the table with staplers.
Then they turn around and see the staplers on the table.
Then they walk away from the help desk.

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I Work at a Zoo Called "Library" Part 5

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"Peace I Leave With You"

What do you ask your Heavenly Father for? How do you receive confirmation and answers to your prayers? How do you know He loves you?

Here's an excerpt from my journal

Thursday, October 7, 2011

"I woke up with hardly any desire to go to the temple because I was tired and it was so cold that I wanted to stay under my blanket. Then I thought about [my friend] who kindly rebuked me for not attending the temple every week so I got up to go to the temple. I would love to thank [my friend] millions of times to motivating me because it was such a great experience. Every time I go to the temple, always get the same feeling: peace. No peace that men can give; I truly believe when the Savior said, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.' It was that peace the Savior left with us that I felt." (Name of my friend has been omitted)

Here is that quote: John 14:27

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Isn't it great to know that not only did He leave us with His peace but He assures us that we don't have to be "troubled" or "afraid." We can always rely on Him and know that He is God. We can trust Him to guide us in every trial, every challenges, and every temptation. I would love to have His peace in my life everyday.

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Enjoy the Childish Things of Life

Sometimes I think it's OK to be immature if you are not annoying to people. Recently, a newly acquainted friend (L) introduced me to this awesome website. It is very childish cartoons but as I was reading them with her, I realized that I was laughing because she was enjoying it. Perhaps, if you read it on your own, you might not enjoy it very much but you will enjoy it more if you read it with your friends. (PS: dear L, I am not calling you childish. You are just really really awesome.)

Have you seen "Finding Neverland"? If you have, you will remember the part where all these orphans come into the theater to watch Peter Pan. Adults in the theater started laughing only because all these kids were laughing. I think they started to see this play in the eyes of children; that's why they were enjoying the play. Don't you think so?

Anyways, I think sometimes what we call immature or childish could be really fun. Perhaps, "childish" isn't the right word for it but pure and innocent. (Kind of redundant...) Anyways, what kind of "child-like" activities do you enjoy? Or did you use to enjoy? Perhaps, it's time to pull them out and enjoy them one more time.

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Dear Readers

 I don't know who you are but I can tell what browser you use, what operating system you use, and where you are reading my blog from. Well, I don't know which one (or more) of you is (are) from Russia but I don't know how you are accessing my blog from this random website. I am flattered...

This shows the country you are accessing from

This shows what website you are accessing from

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Random Thoughts In One Minute

Ready, set, go!

Blue shirts

Ipod

Music

People talking

Printer noise

weird hairstyle

water

money

uhhhhhhh

this is hard!

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Where Is Love?

From the Broadway show "Oliver!"

Words and Original Music by Lionel BartWhere is Love?

"Does it fall from skies above?

Is it underneath the willow tree

that I've been dreaming of?

"Where is she,

Who I close my eyes to see?

Will I ever know the sweet "hello"

That's meant for only me?

"Who can say where she may hide?

Must I travel far and wide,

Till I am beside the someone who,

I can mean something to?

Where, where is love?

"Every night I kneel and pray

Let tomorrow be the day,

When I see the face of someone

Who I can mean something to.

Where, where is Love?"

This is what I will be practicing for few weeks to perform in front of my singing class. I like this song even though it's about Oliver longing for a loving mother who would love him but I feel like it applies to anyone who is looking for someone who will say that "sweet 'hello'" to you.

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What Is Your Relationship With Your Wall?

Kate Hartman: The art of wearable communication

This video made me think about what a relationship is. How do we have relationship with objects around us? What's the difference between the relationship among humans and the relationship between humans and objects? I think the main definition for both is that we give and receive. Think about what you gain from carpet, wooden floors, walls, computers, trees, etc then think about what you give them. You might say, "I don't give anything to a wall." Maybe but do you paint it? Do you hang something? Do you put something on? Do you lean on it? There are things you give to objects, I promise. Yes, you might not think of it as giving but they are fulfilling their life "mission" in a way. Isn't that how we fulfill our life "missions"? When people receive help from us, when we are kind to them, and when we give something back to everyone around us, we are fulfilling this "mission" and we are showing our relationship with everything around us.

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For My Benefit and Growth

I complain about all the trials and challenges I face. I feel like I always had something bad happen to me everyday. I get so sick and tired of being tried or be so depressed for something that happened to me. I try to remember that these things are for my experience and benefits but I can't stop and think that my life is too tough for me. How am I supposed to benefit from this? What am I supposed to learn from this? How is it going to help me?

There are days that help me realize why and how. The "benefit" I get from all these experiences is that I get to help others who are in the same situation. How does that benefit me? By helping others, I fulfill my Patriarchal blessing. I am fulfilling my mission as a child of God and as a servant of God. That's my benefit and I grow so much as I talk to them about my experience and relate to their problems and trials.

I will gladly take on these challenges and trials that others may not go through them alone.

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Understanding Dating: Problem #2

Problem #2: A date means he wants to marry her
Girls: I know that not all of you girls think this but I know some of do. "He's asking me out = He's interested in me. He's a return missionary = He's looking for a wife. He's a return missionary and he's asking me out = He's interested in me and he wants to marry me!" And what about those guys who talk about marriage and qualifications for their wife on a first date?
Guys: Why do girls keep making a big deal out of a first date? Guys are afraid to ask girls out the second time because girls think that guys might like them so much that guys want to date them seriously and marry them.

To Girls: I assure you that guys want to marry you but most of the guys won't know that you are the person they want to marry until they go on dates with you and after DTR (determine the relationship). Yes, there will be some creepy, desperate RMs who will only talk about marriage and a trophy wife but that doesn't mean that all the guys are like that. A date could mean that they are interested in you enough to ask you out to get to know you but not necessarily true! Maybe he's falling for you, but just like you don't know whom you are going to marry, he doesn't know either. Many RMs also go on dates with lots of different girls not necessarily because they are interested in those girls but because they were commanded to by their stake presidents. Seriously, no pressure.

No offense whatsoever

To Guys: Of course, I am a guy so I know what you guys are thinking (or what I am thinking since I am the one writing this). I actually thought that the reason for making a big deal out of first dates might be different depending on the context but at the end, I came up with the same conclusion. If I am wrong, correct me since I am not a girl so I don't know what you are thinking (I wish I did though). A girl might be afraid that he's falling for her when she doesn't have the same kind of feeling for him. If it is true, it's pretty sad. Or they just had really bad dates in the past. Or they are really really not interested in you. Or they are just not interested in dating anybody because 1. they are dating somebody already, 2. they just sent off a missionary, 3. they are focused on graduating, or 4. they are lesbians. Or they really really really don't like you. Girls won't think that you want to marry them on the second date. I talked to a girl who told me that by the third or fourth date, girls know if they want to date the guy seriously or not.

Solutions to Problem #2
To Girls: Remember that not every guy is the same. Give them a chance no matter what but no pity date please. If you are not interested in them, don't give them "I am busy that day" or "I don't know if I can" bogus. They won't die if you flat out tell them that you are not interested. They will just move on and find someone else to bother. Also, if you do go on multiple dates with one guy but you don't think it will work out in a long run, let him know about it. Don't let him spend more money on you if you are not going to date him seriously because you will feel bad later and he most certainly will not enjoy that. If a guy does talk about marriage and what not, let him know that he is way too desperate to get married but you are not. However, if he is a nice guy but his head is just not in the right place, it might be worth a shot to go on a second date with him. You will never know.
To Guys: The best way to make girls comfortable and let them know that it's not a big deal is to make the date a group or a double date. You can make sure she knows that you are not pairing up if that would make her feel more comfortable. Or you could ask her to find a date for your friend or something so that she knows someone already.  If you are thinking about pursuing her, keep asking her out and hopefully she will let you know whether she wants to date you or not by the third or fourth date. If not, ask her or talk to her about it. (Kind of like DTR)

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