Understanding Dating: Problem #2

Problem #2: A date means he wants to marry her
Girls: I know that not all of you girls think this but I know some of do. "He's asking me out = He's interested in me. He's a return missionary = He's looking for a wife. He's a return missionary and he's asking me out = He's interested in me and he wants to marry me!" And what about those guys who talk about marriage and qualifications for their wife on a first date?
Guys: Why do girls keep making a big deal out of a first date? Guys are afraid to ask girls out the second time because girls think that guys might like them so much that guys want to date them seriously and marry them.

To Girls: I assure you that guys want to marry you but most of the guys won't know that you are the person they want to marry until they go on dates with you and after DTR (determine the relationship). Yes, there will be some creepy, desperate RMs who will only talk about marriage and a trophy wife but that doesn't mean that all the guys are like that. A date could mean that they are interested in you enough to ask you out to get to know you but not necessarily true! Maybe he's falling for you, but just like you don't know whom you are going to marry, he doesn't know either. Many RMs also go on dates with lots of different girls not necessarily because they are interested in those girls but because they were commanded to by their stake presidents. Seriously, no pressure.

No offense whatsoever

To Guys: Of course, I am a guy so I know what you guys are thinking (or what I am thinking since I am the one writing this). I actually thought that the reason for making a big deal out of first dates might be different depending on the context but at the end, I came up with the same conclusion. If I am wrong, correct me since I am not a girl so I don't know what you are thinking (I wish I did though). A girl might be afraid that he's falling for her when she doesn't have the same kind of feeling for him. If it is true, it's pretty sad. Or they just had really bad dates in the past. Or they are really really not interested in you. Or they are just not interested in dating anybody because 1. they are dating somebody already, 2. they just sent off a missionary, 3. they are focused on graduating, or 4. they are lesbians. Or they really really really don't like you. Girls won't think that you want to marry them on the second date. I talked to a girl who told me that by the third or fourth date, girls know if they want to date the guy seriously or not.

Solutions to Problem #2
To Girls: Remember that not every guy is the same. Give them a chance no matter what but no pity date please. If you are not interested in them, don't give them "I am busy that day" or "I don't know if I can" bogus. They won't die if you flat out tell them that you are not interested. They will just move on and find someone else to bother. Also, if you do go on multiple dates with one guy but you don't think it will work out in a long run, let him know about it. Don't let him spend more money on you if you are not going to date him seriously because you will feel bad later and he most certainly will not enjoy that. If a guy does talk about marriage and what not, let him know that he is way too desperate to get married but you are not. However, if he is a nice guy but his head is just not in the right place, it might be worth a shot to go on a second date with him. You will never know.
To Guys: The best way to make girls comfortable and let them know that it's not a big deal is to make the date a group or a double date. You can make sure she knows that you are not pairing up if that would make her feel more comfortable. Or you could ask her to find a date for your friend or something so that she knows someone already.  If you are thinking about pursuing her, keep asking her out and hopefully she will let you know whether she wants to date you or not by the third or fourth date. If not, ask her or talk to her about it. (Kind of like DTR)

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Little Habits Unnoticed

When I walk, my right foot points outward instead of straight.

I use top of proximal phalanx part of my finger to brush the bottom of my nose for no reason.

FYI

I like to have music in my head even if I am not listening to anything.

I shake my legs.

I cross my legs.

I shake my feet when I cross my legs.

I bite off skin around my fingernails.

Since I have longer hair now, I do that swoosh thing with my hair. (Sorry, I wanted a picture for this but couldn't find a perfect AND appropriate picture.)

I HAVE to watch something when I am eating by myself. I feel like it's waste of time to just sit and eat by myself.

I have a routine I HAVE to follow every morning when I wake up.

I sleep with my blanket over my head.

I sleep with my arms over my head.

Just like this...and yes, I look that happy too

I talk with a lot of hand gestures.

I bite my lower lip.

I blog at work when I am supposed to study for quizzes which are in an hour and in two hours.

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I Can't Do Hard Things Alone

This is an excerpt from my journal.

"Thursday, September 22, 2011

"Last night I realized that I had to fast and attend the temple so that I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. I fasted for few things and one of them was feeling peace and comfort throughout the day. I even tried really hard to stay awake during the session and listened carefully. When I got into the Celestial room, I prayed fervently. It was interesting because when I was praying, I felt like I could feel the warmth of sunlight but I was inside of the temple so there was no way that I could feel sunlight.

"Throughout the day, I didn't feel overwhelmed at all. I was really at peace. I just planned out in my mind what I was going to finish today and I am almost done with all of them except one but it’s already half done. Things are going to work out no matter what. I have to just take one step at a time. With the Lord’s help, nothing is impossible and I can do hard things."

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Just Generalize It

"With regard to whatever objects give you delight, are useful, or are deeply loved, remember to tell yourself of what general nature they are, beginning from the most insignificant things. If, for example, you are fond of a specific ceramic cup, remind yourself that it is only ceramic cups in general of which you are fond. Then, if it breaks, you will not be disturbed. If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies." -From The Enchiridion by Epictetus-

So basically what he's saying is that if we generalize everything, we wouldn't get hurt when we lose it because there are plenty more to go around.

Are you kidding me? I was so mad when I read this. "If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies"? What kind of a person doesn't get "disturbed" when there loved one dies? Who goes around and think, "Oh well, my three-year-old son is dead but there are plenty more people whom I could kiss so it's no big deal"? Being a human is having feelings whether they be good or bad. We experience them both to have joy AND sorrow. Why would you not want to experience sadness? Yes, it hurts but do you think Christ would have been full of joy if he hadn't suffered all?

Also, why would we ever want to generalize anything? You value a ceramic cup because there's a special meaning to you. You love your family because you love them and there's no one else like them. They are special in a way that there's only one of them. When it's gone, you lose it forever and it's impossible to have the same feeling for that object or for that person. Would you ever tell your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/children/parents that you love him/her because they are humans? You love them as you love your next door neighbor? If you cared about your spouse the way you care about everybody else, it would have been dang hard to choose who to marry because you care about everybody exactly the same.

I am sorry I am babbling on about this but this idiot named Epictetus made me pretty mad, and I thought I needed to disagree with his philosophy.

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I Can Do Hard Things

Last night, I went running with my roommate Jacob and below is the route we took. The reason why this is so significant is that I have never run more than a mile ever. I always gave up when my chest started hurting but this time I knew that the pain would be tolerable and Jacob will be a great motivator since I didn't want him to slow down or stop running because of me. I realized that if I wanted to I can run more than a mile but I just need to keep going until the pain becomes tolerable.

I don't know how many of you like to run or jog but if you don't run very often like I do, you would most likely to give up when your chest starts hurting. On my mission, I learned from my mission companion that his chest would hurt too but he keeps running because you get used to the pain. I had that mindset last night when I was running with Jacob. "It will go away," I told myself. It did not; however, I just got used to the pain. Perhaps, that's how it is with life. We will still have pains and sorrows but you just get used to them. They won't ever go away but they will become a part of your life that they won't hurt as bad as they used to.

Running is tough. Running more than what you thought you were capable of doing is hard. However, life is harder and there are uphills in your life but there are traffic lights to take a break. You keep running; there's an end. Just keep running.

“Being able to work hard is very important in anything we do.” -Elder Ellis-

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Understanding Dating: Problem #1

Problem #1: Guys are dumb and girls are confusing.
-Girls think that guys are dumb because guys just don't get it! Girls are giving obvious hints to guys so that they would ask girls out but they never do. I mean it's obvious that they are interested in them.
-Guys think that girls are so confusing because at one moment, guys think that girls are showing interest in them but at another moment, they just don't even make an eye contact with them. Why can't they just come out and tell them if they are interested?

-Well ladies, here's the problem with what you think. We, guys, are not girls so we don't know if you are giving us "hints" or you have something in your eyes.
-And guys, you just need to step up and ask them out if you have a slightest idea that they might be interested in you.

Solutions to problem #1
-Ladies, I don't think there is an absolute perfect "hint" you can give to guys because no matter what you do, they still won't get it. However, there are few things you could do to "ask them out." Since we live in America, it's a "taboo" for girls to ask guys out (which I totally disagree with). Anyways, solution #1: talk to your bishop or stake president to see if your ward or stake could have like a ladies' choice night so that you can straight up ask a guy out.
Solution #2: You can "hang out" with your lady-friends and guy-friends at the same time but have the same number of each. So if you are going to invite three* of your lady-friends then invite four of your guy-friends (remember to count yourself: you + three of your lady-friends = four girls <=> four guys). Then later on, you can just hook up with a guy you are interested in. Of course, you might want to carefully select your lady-friends so that the guy you are interested in doesn't go for one of your friends. Do something that makes y'all pair up into a couple. *I just thought that having four couples would be a good number but you can have how many ever you want.
Solution #3: Ask your friends who are already friends with the guy you are interested in to hook you up with him. I have done this before (not for a guy, I promise) and it works great because they are so willing to help you and even call that person for you if you don't have his (her, for my case) number. Then you can all go on a double/group date.
Solution #4: Just kiss him.

-Guys, you don't have a good excuse. You only get one solution: ASK HER OUT!!! I know how you feel; you are afraid that she's not really interested in you, you are just afraid that it will be awkward between you two during the date, you are afraid that it might get awkward between you two after the date, you don't want the whole drama after the date, you don't have money, or you are more interested in guys than girls. It's all OK. Like Preach My Gospel says, "Fear is the opposite of faith." You just have to go for it and ask her out. It's OK if she rejects you or gets awkward between you two (I will address that issue on another post) because you win some and you lose some. I promise, it gets easier to accept rejection. Most of you are return missionaries so you can handle rejection. So what if they are not interested in you, at least your mom loves you. :) But seriously don't worry about it because there are plenty of girls out there who want to date you. So man up and ask them out.

Last thought: I am writing this from my own experience and from talking to many guys and girls. Also, I am not an expert at this and am also a guy so I am dumb. However, I am starting to understand both guys' and girls' points of view on dating and need to improve in this field also.

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Why Psychology?

Recently, few people have asked me why I chose Psychology major. I had to think back and to my Freshman year. I started BYU as a Physics major but didn't take any Physics classes. I liked Physics in high school. It's a very interesting subject and I could apply these concepts in real life. However, as I thought more about it, I didn't want to do all these calculations and try to understand different conceptual things of matter. Then I had few chances to experience what it's like to be a listener of people who complain, have troubles, have issues, have no one else to talk to, etc. Even though I have never met them in real life (it's kind of a long story), I felt good to be a part of someone's life and be confided in. So I decided that my path was with Psychology. 'I want to help people,' I thought.

Beginning of this semester, a teacher I respect and admire told his class that Psychology majors chose to study Psychology because a) they want to "help" people and b) they are crazy. He was right. I wanted to help others and I am in a way crazy. Do you talk to yourself? I do. Do you get depressed for no reason? I do. Have you ever thought about killing yourself? I have. Have you thought about some alternate universe? I have.    Am I normal? YES. (You don't need to agree with me on that.)

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that I wanted something different than "I want to help people" as my reason to study Psychology. Almost everybody wants to help people so saying "I want to help people" doesn't mean a squat. Today, I realized why I want to become a psychologist. Do you have people to whom you go to talk about everything? You can open up to? You can confide in? Well, I don't. It's not my parents, it's not my brother, it's not my roommates, it's no one. The reason why I want to become a psychologist is so that other people will have someone to talk to, someone to lay their burdens on, someone who would listen, someone to trust... That's why I study Psychology. That's why I am pursuing Psychology.

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Understanding My Patriarchal Blessing

I got my patriarchal blessing when I was 17. I was a senior in high school and thought that it would be the best if I were to get mine when the school started.

There were many things I didn't understand and still don't understand (most of them are due to grammatical and spelling errors). I have learned much over the years so I feel like I understand most of them but I was wrong.

Let me expound on what I said. I understand the way it's written. I understand the words and phrases but I don't really understand the meaning of them or I fail to apply it to my life. Does that make any sense? I would love to give you an example from my patriarchal blessing but once again, too personal. It's like I knew something was supposed to happen in my life but I didn't really understand that these things were supposed to happen in an order but I guess I was just impatient and thought that they will happen very quickly. Now I realized that I was wrong and need to be patient.

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I Am Blessed, Blessed, Blessed Pt 2

Usually, I am good at coming up with titles for posts but for this one, I guess I am still trying to wrap my head around this idea.

If you read the post My Path: Mission, you probably know a little bit about the Sosas. Last night, Ashley texted me because she was reminded to text me to let me know how great it was for them to see me. Anyways, as we texted back and forth about our lives, we just decided to talk over the phone. I can't go into details on what we talked about because they are pretty personal but she has opened my eyes (in a way). I realized that I am an idiot, a jerk, and a bozo (that's what she called me). She didn't chastise me...well, I guess she did.

I am so grateful. Think about how the Sosas were less-active in the Church but now they are way active. I helped them and now they are helping me. They are teaching me. They are blessing me. I am still receiving blessings for serving a mission.

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Hope All Things

We experience a lot of things in our everyday life. Some good, some bad. Most of times when bad things happen to me, I ask myself why they had to happen to me. What did I do wrong? Why me? I rarely complain to God.

Very recently, something happened and this time I felt calmer than before and blaming myself, I asked, "what does God want me to learn from this experience? Why is this event so important in my life that He let me choose to do this?" I didn't come up with any answers to those questions but it brought me serenity and hope instead of anger and disappointment. I guess that's what it really means to have true faith.

"We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things." -Articles of Faith 13- (Emphasis added)

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