Friday, May 4, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Desperation
This is definitely not about dating. It's actually about work.
It's usually really really slow at work. I have to find ways to entertain myself. One thing I found is this massive minesweeper game online. I love playing minesweeper so this thing can keep me busy for hours. It literally is infinitely massive. You can move your screen by dragging on it and continue finding mines.
It's usually really really slow at work. I have to find ways to entertain myself. One thing I found is this massive minesweeper game online. I love playing minesweeper so this thing can keep me busy for hours. It literally is infinitely massive. You can move your screen by dragging on it and continue finding mines.
Or I have played chess on the computer. If you know me, I am not good at chess at all and I am not trying to be modest. I am really really bad at chess, like terrible. I think I have never won a game playing against the computer when the difficulty is set as 2 out of 10. That's how bad I am.
Another thing I do is doing Sudoku online. I love it. I can do that for hours too...until my head starts to hurt.
I finally got a GRE prep book and GRE vocab/math note cards. It's the GRE time!
World's Strongest Man Competition
One Saturday, my roommates and I were hanging out watching the World's Strongest Man. After awhile, my roommates thought it would be fun to actually do some of the things that they do on the competition. These are some pictures and videos of them "competing."
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| Kyle and Spencer carefully picking their objects to toss. |
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| A throw by Spencer. |
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| Kyle's throw. |
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| A great throw by Spencer. |
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| It's a piece of cake for Kyle. |
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| Another throw by Spencer. |
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| Notice how Kyle gently tossed the log. |
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| Oh, yea. Jacob participated too. |
These videos are really funny.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Confused
I have no clue what's going on in my life right now. I feel so confused. I don't feel like I am lost but I just don't know what's going on with my life.
1. School
I got a scholarship so I need to register for 14 credit-hours. I only registered for 12 but now I don't know what class I want to take to fill up the time. Also, I really want to be in a research team in Fall but no one wants to take me in. I need more research opportunities to put them on my resume when I apply to grad schools but nothing seems to be happening.
2. Prayer
My prayers have been pretty bad too. Every time I pray, I feel like my mind is so complicated/busy/confused/disorganized. I don't know what I am saying most of the time. I don't know what I should pray for. I had spiritual experiences but I don't understand why I can't pray sincerely or effectively.
3. Dating
I kind of gave that up.
4. GRE
I am just waiting for my books that I bought to be delivered soon. I am kind of stressed about that.
So basically, my life right now is a HUGE mess.
1. School
I got a scholarship so I need to register for 14 credit-hours. I only registered for 12 but now I don't know what class I want to take to fill up the time. Also, I really want to be in a research team in Fall but no one wants to take me in. I need more research opportunities to put them on my resume when I apply to grad schools but nothing seems to be happening.
2. Prayer
My prayers have been pretty bad too. Every time I pray, I feel like my mind is so complicated/busy/confused/disorganized. I don't know what I am saying most of the time. I don't know what I should pray for. I had spiritual experiences but I don't understand why I can't pray sincerely or effectively.
3. Dating
I kind of gave that up.
4. GRE
I am just waiting for my books that I bought to be delivered soon. I am kind of stressed about that.
So basically, my life right now is a HUGE mess.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Not My Thoughts Part 2
It makes you appreciate that God's thoughts are not your thoughts.
I was talking to a friend of mine, W. She told me that if she had been married or had been in a relationship past few years, she would have had some problems. For example, she had some health problems time to time and if she had been married, she wouldn't have been able to use her parents' insurance to cover the expenses. Listening to her made me realize that I also was blessed to be single instead of being married or being in a relationship (you might say, "whatever helps you sleep at night, Kyoo" and you might be right. However, is it still not true that God has a plan for me?)
What are some blessings that I received from being single? The most important thing above all would have been my friendship with so many people. I would not trade that for anything in the world. I love all my friends and I am grateful for their support and love for me. I don't know if I could have gotten a scholarship I got recently because I wouldn't have focused on studying. I wouldn't have looked at myself to make necessary changes or desire for any changes. I have learned to be more patient, humble and faithful and to rely on the Lord. There are so many things I learned through different experiences I had. More than anything, I learned to grow closer to God.
I know it's hard at times to be single. I know it's disappointing at times. However, I know that the Lord has a plan for all of us.
Related Post
Not My Thoughts
I was talking to a friend of mine, W. She told me that if she had been married or had been in a relationship past few years, she would have had some problems. For example, she had some health problems time to time and if she had been married, she wouldn't have been able to use her parents' insurance to cover the expenses. Listening to her made me realize that I also was blessed to be single instead of being married or being in a relationship (you might say, "whatever helps you sleep at night, Kyoo" and you might be right. However, is it still not true that God has a plan for me?)
What are some blessings that I received from being single? The most important thing above all would have been my friendship with so many people. I would not trade that for anything in the world. I love all my friends and I am grateful for their support and love for me. I don't know if I could have gotten a scholarship I got recently because I wouldn't have focused on studying. I wouldn't have looked at myself to make necessary changes or desire for any changes. I have learned to be more patient, humble and faithful and to rely on the Lord. There are so many things I learned through different experiences I had. More than anything, I learned to grow closer to God.
I know it's hard at times to be single. I know it's disappointing at times. However, I know that the Lord has a plan for all of us.
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." -Isaiah 48:10-
"...for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fuller’s soap.I am really grateful that He "refines" me to become a better person and a better follower of Christ. I am grateful for my friends. I am grateful for the gospel. For the first time in my life, I am grateful to be single.
"And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness." -Malachi 3:2&3-
Related Post
Not My Thoughts
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Be Still
"...Be still and know that I am God." -Doctrine and Covenants 101:16-This is the continuation for "Let This Cup Pass From Me" in a way. If you read it, you would know why I posted it. Even though I was stressed out about my life, I felt peace and knew that things will work out. The reason being that I always felt this peace when something terrible happens in my life.
When I first came to BYU in 2007, there was a problem so I had to drop all my classes and wait until the problem got resolved. It was a huge deal that I couldn't go to school because other than BYU, I had no place to go. I was heavyhearted and discouraged but for some reason, I felt peace that everything will work out.
Another occasion similar to the recent event, I couldn't find a paper that is very important to me. I was way stressed about it and couldn't figure out why this was happening to me. However, I felt this peace (it wasn't strong feeling of peace but still) that came over me and knew that it would work out. It did.
This time the same thing, I was really stressed but knew that the Lord wants me to stay here. I felt the feeling of peace again and knew that it will work out. Turns out (here's the update on the event) that I didn't have to worry about anything because I already had everything I needed.
Sometimes all we can do is to be "still" and trust God that everything will work out. He gives us peace to assure us that.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." -John 14:27-We don't have to be afraid. We don't have to be discouraged. We don't have to be troubled. Christ has given us peace to know that things will work out. Isn't that all we need? That's all I need.
Related Post
Let This Cup Pass From Me
"Peace I Leave With You"
Monday, April 23, 2012
My Spring Life
Anyways, the reason why I posted this is to show to how crazy my life is going to be. Orange is my work schedule. I will be working 40 hours. "Plasma" is when I will be donating plasma. On top of all this, I just joined a research team so I will be doing that 5 hours/week (hopefully that includes an hour of meeting). On top of that! I will be studying for GRE that I will be taking on July 3. I just bought some stuff to start studying for it. Man, my life is going to be really really exciting.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Let This Cup Pass From Me
I will be writing in a first-person narrative because I want to really personalize it so that I can learn from this.
Sometimes I feel as Joseph Smith did:
"O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
"O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are, and who controllest and subjectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol—stretch forth thy hand; let thine eye pierce; let thy pavilion be taken up; let thy hiding place no longer be covered; let thine ear be inclined; let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us." -Doctrine and Covenants 121:1&4-
Where is God hiding? Why hasn't He helped me? What am I doing wrong? Will He help me?
This post isn't necessarily about my dating life. It is true that my dating life stinks but that's not the only thing that promotes me to complain to God. I hate complaining to God because I know that He loves me and that He is very mindful of me, but at times, I just need to rant and get it out of my system. I think it helps because I start to reflect on what I am doing in my life and to remind myself that His thoughts are not my thoughts.
What motivated me to write this post is some stuff I have to deal with my educational future and my stay in the US. It is really, really annoying thing and I simply am really stressed. I had to deal with this issue before but it is happening again so here's my rant about it. However, I feel like I am writing so that I can force myself to study the scriptures and read "Mountains to Climb" by President Eyring.
Have you climbed a mountain? The only climbing I have done is hiking with little bit of rock climbing. Hiking is hard but I enjoy it. Do I enjoy trials in my life? Heck no. I feel like they are the most unnecessary and the most useless things ever. However, that's not what the Lord thinks of them.
“And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.Trials are for my benefits and my experience but why does it have to be so hard? It seems like no one else will ever experience something so difficult and vexing. I know it's not the right way to think of trials because I do know that people feel exactly the same way about their trials; however, when I am facing these trials, that's all I can think about.
“The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
“Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.” -Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9-
Have you prayed so hard and so fervently that you started to remember the words that Christ uttered in the garden of Gethsemane?
"And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.If it were possible for Christ to not go through the Atonement, the Savior would have taken it; however, there was no other way and He knew it. He stated that God's will is more important and acted according to God's will. Then I wonder, "What is His will for me?"
"He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done." -Matthew 26:39&42-
President Eyring in his talk I mentioned above said the following about why we have trials:
"There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there."Doesn't He love us? Doesn't He care for us? Yes, He does. I will never ever doubt that in my life. Whenever trials came in my life, I used to listen to the music that described exactly how I felt. These songs weren't exactly the best songs in the world to invite the Spirit but I felt better after listening to them. However, (very) recently, I started listening to Church hymns or songs. They invite the Spirit and give me lasting peace than the music I used to listen to. I think the main reason why I started listening to hymns is because I would pray once I get home. If I were to communicate with God, I need to be in tuned with the Spirit. It is much more effective when you feel the Spirit as you talk to God.
I don't know why I have trials in my life. I don't know what they want me to learn from them. I don't know how long I will have to suffer. I don't know when I will receive answers to my prayers. I don't know a lot of things. HOWEVER, I do know that my Father and my Savior love me. I know that they know what's good for me. All I can do when I have trials is to say, "Let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done."
"...Be still and know that I am God." -Doctrine and Covenants 101:16-
Friday, April 20, 2012
My Heavenly Father Loves me Part 5
I have this deepest appreciation for Doctrine and Covenants. It provided answers to my prayers in multiple occasions. The first time was when I was reading section 76:22-24, I got this thought that this was true and then I had this chain reaction that Joseph Smith was called of God to re-establish the Church of Jesus Christ and that the Book of Mormon is true. I knelt down afterwards and prayed to know if those inspirations were correct and I had the most amazing experience ever.
Today, I was at work and was feeling a little bit...weird (if you read the post before this one, you would know what I mean). So I decided to read the scriptures. I went straight to Doctrine and Covenants and flipped through some pages until I got to section 76. I stopped there and started to read. Verses 1-10 were exactly what I needed but I want to talk about these verses:
Related Posts
My Heavenly Father Loves Me Part 4
My Heavenly Father Loves Me Pt 3
My Heavenly Father Loves Me Pt 2
My Heavenly Father Loves Me
Today, I was at work and was feeling a little bit...weird (if you read the post before this one, you would know what I mean). So I decided to read the scriptures. I went straight to Doctrine and Covenants and flipped through some pages until I got to section 76. I stopped there and started to read. Verses 1-10 were exactly what I needed but I want to talk about these verses:
2 Great is his wisdom, marvelous are his ways, and the extent of his doings none can find out.They reminded me that the Lord is always mindful of me and that I will never be able to find out what He has in store/mind for me. However, if I "fear" Him and "honor" His servants, then He will bless me with the "secrets of [His] will." I've been praying for a short while to know His will and His desires for me but I've been feeling like I am in a middle of nowhere with no roads/paths and no signs. I am stuck. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. So these verses gave me hope and assurance that God still loves me and takes care of me. He is mindful of me to lead me to these verses and to inspire me to understand them. Heavenly Father does love me and I am so grateful for His tender mercies.
3 His purposes fail not, neither are there any who can stay his hand.
5 For thus saith the Lord—I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end.
10 For by my Spirit will I enlighten them, and by my power will I make known unto them the secrets of my will—yea, even those things which eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor yet entered into the heart of man.
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My Heavenly Father Loves Me Part 4
My Heavenly Father Loves Me Pt 3
My Heavenly Father Loves Me Pt 2
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No/Lack Of Sleep And Stuff You Say When You Are Tired
So this has been my sleep schedule since Monday: Went to bed at 2:30 AM on Tuesday morning, woke up at 7 AM, took a nap for 30 min on Tuesday, took a nap for 30 min on Wednesday afternoon, went to bed at 11:30 PM, woke up at 5:30 AM on Thursday, went to bed at 12:30 AM, then woke up at 6 AM today.
Total of 17 hours of sleep in I don't know how many days, and that's almost the half of the number hours I should have slept.
A funny thing is that I came to work at 7 this morning but the library wasn't supposed to open till 8 AM. I could have slept in! It's all right. I liked making money without actually doing anything.
This is ridiculous, yes. I don't think I am stable emotionally or physically right now so this blog might not be the best idea to talk about whatever I am going to talk about which is...I don't know. That's what I am going to talk about "I don't know." I must be lacking faith at this point because I am just so frustrated with (sigh) dating and disappointed at myself. I am not making much sense in my mind right now because, obviously, I haven't slept much for a while.
1. I really hope that girls would tell me upfront if they would or wouldn't mind me asking them out again. I wouldn't care if you want to be my girlfriend when I ask you out for the first time or the second time (but honestly, it would be good to know if you are interested in me or not in the beginning) but I want to know if you wouldn't mind me asking you out again. If you don't, tell me! I am not going to get mad or cry about (in front of you...jk but seriously [really jk]). I am a kind of person who needs to know what everyone is thinking (maybe that's why I want to be a psychologist). I am just half kidding about needing to know what everyone is thinking. Just girls...jk. Yep, I am really tired.
2...Actually that's all I got.
If you want me or other guys to ask you out again, don't just say, "That was fun!" Tell him that you would like to do it again, just straight up tell him that you are interested, or (if you really really want) just kiss him. That would really seal the deal. Don't kiss me though (although I doubt that anyone would actually try to kiss me).
Well, wasn't that a fun post? That's what I get for writing when I am really tired. Also, this wasn't written toward a particular person, I promise. Really. Seriously. Sincerely. "Sinseriously" (Sincerely + Seriously).
If you are interested in reading more about dating you can read my friend's blog. She just worded it perfectly.
Related Posts
Understanding Dating: Thank You, The 100 Hour Board!
Understanding Dating: Assumption, Over-analysis & Expectation
Understanding Dating: The Key
Understanding Dating: Problem #2
Understanding Dating: Problem #1
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| This could be me at work. |
A funny thing is that I came to work at 7 this morning but the library wasn't supposed to open till 8 AM. I could have slept in! It's all right. I liked making money without actually doing anything.
This is ridiculous, yes. I don't think I am stable emotionally or physically right now so this blog might not be the best idea to talk about whatever I am going to talk about which is...I don't know. That's what I am going to talk about "I don't know." I must be lacking faith at this point because I am just so frustrated with (sigh) dating and disappointed at myself. I am not making much sense in my mind right now because, obviously, I haven't slept much for a while.
1. I really hope that girls would tell me upfront if they would or wouldn't mind me asking them out again. I wouldn't care if you want to be my girlfriend when I ask you out for the first time or the second time (but honestly, it would be good to know if you are interested in me or not in the beginning) but I want to know if you wouldn't mind me asking you out again. If you don't, tell me! I am not going to get mad or cry about (in front of you...jk but seriously [really jk]). I am a kind of person who needs to know what everyone is thinking (maybe that's why I want to be a psychologist). I am just half kidding about needing to know what everyone is thinking. Just girls...jk. Yep, I am really tired.
2...Actually that's all I got.
If you want me or other guys to ask you out again, don't just say, "That was fun!" Tell him that you would like to do it again, just straight up tell him that you are interested, or (if you really really want) just kiss him. That would really seal the deal. Don't kiss me though (although I doubt that anyone would actually try to kiss me).
Well, wasn't that a fun post? That's what I get for writing when I am really tired. Also, this wasn't written toward a particular person, I promise. Really. Seriously. Sincerely. "Sinseriously" (Sincerely + Seriously).
If you are interested in reading more about dating you can read my friend's blog. She just worded it perfectly.
Related Posts
Understanding Dating: Thank You, The 100 Hour Board!
Understanding Dating: Assumption, Over-analysis & Expectation
Understanding Dating: The Key
Understanding Dating: Problem #2
Understanding Dating: Problem #1
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