Signatures of God: Tender Mercies Revisited

Sorry that I am using this poem again but I had to talk about it again.

"A child said What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands;
How could I answer the child? I do not know what it is any
    more than he.
I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful green
    stuff woven.
Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropt,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we may
    see and remark, and say Whose?" -Song of Myself by Walt Whitman.-

Have you read this talk by Elder Bednar?

The reason why I am talking about these two topics that I already talked about in the past is because I am reading this book called "Divine Signatures" by Elder Gerald Lund and he calls these tender mercies of the Lord, His signatures or an autograph from heaven.

He said,

"God loves His children and it pleases Him to bless them, especially when they are striving to do His will. These blessings, also called 'tender mercies,' come in many different forms and in many different ways.
"Sometimes, the Lord sends His blessings in such a highly unusual, dramatic, or precisely timed manner, that it might be likened to a 'divine signature.' It is as though the Lord 'signs' the blessing personally so that we will know with certainty that it comes from Him.
"In doing so, God not only gives us the blessing, but at the same time, He also strengthens our faith and deepens our testimony of Him." (p. 20)

A tender mercy of the Lord happened, I believe, two Mondays ago. I had to work at 10 am but I thought about going to the BYU Bookstore to look at some books. The first book that caught my eye was "Look Up, My Soul" by Elder Lund. When I opened up the book, the title page said, "Look Up, My Soul: The Divine Promise of Hope." Right then, I knew I had to buy that book but I checked out a copy from the library to read it first. I fell in love with that book in the first five minutes of reading that book. I learned so much and applied many principles in my life. My communication with the Almighty has changed. My attitude toward life and future has changed. I feel happier and I don't get discouraged, depressed, and saddened by challenges, trials, and mistakes anymore. I feel hopeful for the future. This scripture was reminded:

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." -2 Nephi 31:20

After finishing that book, nothing seems to drag me down. I feel like I am more in tuned with the Spirit because I am repenting everyday and recognizing my imperfection daily (I am not saying that I get depressed because I am imperfect but it gives me opportunities to humble myself and ask the Lord for strength).

Finding that book was one of the most important event in my life. I am grateful that the Lord guided me to find that book and the time He has granted me to read that book.

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Not My Thoughts Part 4

I must say that I am so grateful that God knows what I need in my life. I so grateful for the knowledge that He is guiding me and blessing me with many opportunities for me to grow spiritually. As a convert, I needed opportunities that will make me rely on the Lord and seek His guidance.

Recently, I made a list of pros and cons of something that I felt important in my life. Not an easy decision I could have made just thinking about it. As I was working on this list, I thought of a sentence from my patriarchal blessing which told me that my testimony is the most important thing as I make difficult decisions. I pondered on that sentence for many years but I never felt like the testimony impacted how I made decisions. For example, the decision to not drink and not smoke was not very difficult. However, as I ponder on this right now, I realized that attending the temple regularly is a difficult decision and I have to rely on my testimony to make that decision.

Anyways, the reason why I talked about my patriarchal blessing is because I had to rely on my testimony that God loves me, that He will guide me because He loves me, that He wants me to be happy, that He knows what's the best for me, that He will not lead me astray, etc to make a decision as I worked on that list.

When I finished that list, I made a decision and prayed about it. I felt good about the decision that I had made. I acted on it but turned out that that wasn't the path that I was supposed to take. What were the consequences of that decision I made? I learned to rely on the Lord, I learned to trust Him, I learned that this experience was exactly what I needed because I found out something that I would have never found out if I didn't act on it, and my testimony grew stronger. The only negative consequence I can think of is feeling foolish but I feel more impassive than foolish at this moment. I don't blame God. I don't blame myself. I don't blame anyone. I am only grateful to Him for the opportunity and the courage He has given me to act on it. I am grateful to my friends who encouraged me to make a list of pros and cons to make a decision, who motivated me to act on my decision, and who comforted me when it didn't work out. I am just full of gratitude from this experience. The Lord showed me so much love and mercy. I am grateful that His thoughts are higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).

I want to echo some of the scriptures I used in the past "Not My Thoughts" posts.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." -Isaiah 55:8-
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." -Isaiah 48:10-
"...for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fuller’s soap.
"And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness." -Malachi 3:2&3-

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Finding Joy in Our Duties

Elder Gerald Lund quoted a stake president whom he met a long time ago."In addition to the usual concerns about transgression and apathy, I worry about some of our stalwarts. They know the gospel is true. They serve faithfully. But the joy is gone."

I was reading the Book of Mormon today and something caught my eye. Speaking of Laman and Lemuel, Nephi said:

"Now when I had spoken these words, they were yet wroth, and did still continue to murmur; nevertheless they did follow me up until we came without the walls of Jerusalem.' -1 Nephi 4:4-

Even though Laman and Lemuel murmured, they still followed Nephi to Jerusalem. I thought, 'That's interesting. Do we, as members of the Church, murmur or complain when we do service projects or do our callings?' Yes! So let me ask you, Are we not like Laman and Lemuel?

I wrote about this in my journal so I am just going copy from it.

"What then is the solution? Charity. If we have the true love of Christ, we want to serve the Lord and His children. We wouldn't feel obligated to do our 'duties' but merely serve others to show our love to God and others. We would want to bless the lives of others and help them come closer to God. Isn't this our goal/purpose as member of Christ's church? 'Invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end.' (Preach My Gospel, p. 1) If we truly desire this, we will develop charity and we will find joy in serving others." -An excerpt from June 15, 2012 entry-

Let me repeat what Elder Lund quoted, "In addition to the usual concerns about transgression and apathy, I worry about some of our stalwarts. They know the gospel is true. They serve faithfully. But the joy is gone." I hope that all of you find joy in serving your Father in Heaven and His children. I hope that I also have a change of heart so that everyone knows that I love them and love serving them.

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Not My Thoughts Part 3

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about things that happen in my life and tender mercies of the Lord. It's hard to describe it right now but let me try.

My prayers have changed ever since I started reading "Look Up, My Soul." I pray for humility to be led by the Lord instead of counseling Him what I want to do. If anything happens, I accept it as His will. I would prefer Him leading my life than me trying to find my own way.

However, I started to wonder why the Lord has let certain things happen in my life. I prayed about it before but it never worked out but He is sending me more opportunities for me to rethink this through. Now fear has crept into my life that I am more scared to take this opportunity than not take it. If it didn't work out before, how could it work out now? I thought my friend, C., and his experience with something like this. It didn't seem like it was going to work out but in the end, it did. Does that mean it could work out for me too? If it doesn't, it will destroy me and I know it will.

Another fear that comes with this is that I don't know if it's the Lord who's leading me or my feelings. I feel like I acted on my feelings too many times to know that I can't let my feelings make choices for me. Figuring out if it's the Lord's will or my emotions' will is the most difficult task that I will ever have to experience/go through. Perhaps, the best way to distinguish if it's the Lord telling me what I should do and my emotions telling me what I want to do is just that: if I want to do it, it's my emotions.

Let me elaborate on the latter sentence. We hear many stories about how someone was inspired to do a certain thing which saved his/her life later on or saved their family. An extreme case, I know. However, you have to realize that that person probably didn't want to do that in the beginning. They just had a thought to do it. From my own personal experience, when I was inspired to drop by someone's house on my mission, I didn't dwell on that thought for a long time until I decided to do it. The inspiration just came and I acted on it. Another experience was that I had a thought in the morning that I should visit one of my friends so later on, I did. I didn't know why and nothing was wrong with her but I just did. Back to now, I've thought about doing something all day today but I wasn't sure if that's what the Lord wanted. I wanted to do it but I don't think I was inspired to do it. Does that mean it's not from the Lord? Was it a righteous desire? I would think so. Was it what the Lord wanted me to do? I can't say. Was it in His timeline that I did that? I don't know.

Am I correct on that principle? I don't think so. However, it might be correct for me. Everyone is different and everyone has different experiences in their lives. Maybe you have a gift to discern your thoughts from the promptings of the Holy Ghost, or maybe you have a gift to recognize the promptings. I, on the other hand, do not have that gift. Doctrine and Covenants 46:11 states that not everyone has all the gifts of the Spirit. However, I know that I can earn this gift my working for it. I am and have been working on it. It might take a long time for me to fully acquire it but I know I will have it.

I don't know how the Lord is leading me. I don't know His will. Most of the times I don't know what I should do. However, He is leading me and guiding me. I know that He is refining me. When He sees fit, He will show me what I should do. I may not know His will and His timing but I know that He loves me, and that should be enough.

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"You Take Over"

As I was walking to work, I read this in the book I am reading: "Okay, Lord. I can't do this. I give up. You take over." As soon as I read it, my eyes were filled with tears (but I didn't cry because I was in public). I realized that perhaps, my problem is that I try to counsel the Lord and force Him to give me what I want. Obviously, that's not going to work. I thought if I prayed hard enough and kept His commandments, I would be blessed with what I prayed for, but I forgot the most important concept about prayer which is "not to change the will of God" (Bible Dictionary). Then I thought of “Be Thou Humble” in our hymn book.

Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee,

Shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers.

Be thou humble in thy pleading, and the Lord thy God shall bless thee,

Shall bless thee with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares.

How sweet are the words of this hymn that teaches you to be humble so that the Lord can guide you.

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Why Suffering? Why Pain?

Everyone asks, "Why me?" or "Why do righteous people have to suffer?" These are few of hardest questions out there. However, I realized why as I was reading Look Up, My Soul (you should get used to me talking about this book for a while). Elder Lund said, "Why does God allow such things? Why doesn't He interfere or intervene? The truth is that He does intervene many times and in many ways-softening the effects, blessing those who suffer, answering earnest prayers-but the only way He could totally eliminate such suffering would be to remove the agency of man, and He won't do that."

I have asked myself those questions before and I have complained about every bad thing I had to go through. However, He never took them away from me but let me suffer because He loves me. I had to make my own choices at times and learn from my mistakes. If I didn't experience consequences of my own choices, I would not be where I am now.

"Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time." -Doctrine and Covenants 6:14-

Because I made choices, I have come to where I am now. Even if I made wrong choices, even if I made good choices, even if I made better choices, whatever the case might be, I am here because of the choices I have made.

I am grateful that the Lord lets me choose for myself so that I can have experiences in my life that will strengthen me and help me grow spiritually. I choose hope by seeking God when I feel overwhelmed by trials. That's how I grow and that's how I use hope in my life.

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Exciting Summer Plans

1. Zach's Wedding
Zach Davis was one of my mission companions. We became a companion in Korea Town for a transfer (6 weeks) but we've been in the same zones ever since. He also was my friend, J.'s MTC companion, and J. told him to look for me when he got to the mission field but when Zach learned that there were two Elders Kim speaking Spanish, he thought he would never meet me but we became companions.
Anyways, he's getting married this Saturday (June 9, 2012) and that's the day when I came home from my mission two years ago (June 9, 2010). Coincidence? Yep, it is.

2. My half-birthday
I got no plans for this day. It's just happening.

3. GRE
I will be taking GRE for the first time on July 3. I am not too excited about it but I have been preparing for it. I got some prep books and flash cards. It's really tiring to study for it but I have to.

4. Reading Look Up, My Soul and Divine Signatures by Gerald Lund.
I am so excited to read these two books. As you know, I am already reading Look Up: My Soul and I am going to check out the other one soon before June 14 (because that's when the hold expires). Once I am done with GRE, I will have a plenty of time to read. I am so freaking excited!

5. Going "home" or where my parents live
I am kind of excited for this not because I get to go home but because I get to meet my brother's girlfriend since she got baptized. She will be meeting my parents for the first time since she and my brother started going out (I feel kind of bad that she has to meet them).
Also, we are going to a beach except we don't know which one yet. Hopefully the one by the Golden Gate Bridge, just to say I've been there.  We will be there for a week or less (July 26 to Aug 2).

After #5, there isn't anything going on. I will only be working and reading books. I will be reading books! That's a huge improvement. Someone asked me if I liked Harry Potter, so I told her that I like it enough to read books and watch movies but that I have never read the last book because it just never happened. She kind of freaked out on me and told me that I should read it. Well, if I really felt like reading it, I might read that one too but I kind of doubt that that will happen. If you didn't know, I prefer non-fiction books over fiction books.

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What I Know of Hope

I started reading a book called "Look Up, My Soul: The Divine Promise of Hope" by Gerald Lund (I absolutely love his books!). When I saw the book for the first time, I knew I had to read it.

On my mission (I probably have mentioned this before), I learned something new about hope. In the scriptures, faith, hope and charity always go hand in hand. However, we don't realize why hope is really important. After studying hope for a while, I realized that the way we use hope and the way the scriptures use hope are different.

Let me give you an example using Lehi's dream of the tree of life. You know the destination, the tree of life; however, you can't see what's in front of you because of the mist of darkness. All you can do is to cling onto the iron rod and hope that you will get to your destination. Hope is not merely wishing. If you just wished, you wouldn't move at all but stay where you are at. If you hope, you move forward because you know that you will be able to get to the destination. If you hope for things, you have faith that you will acquire what you hope for by acting. You can't see what's in front of you but you move forward.

It is awesome that Elder Lund felt the need to write a whole book about hope and I am so excited to read this book (I checked it out from the library but if I really like it, I will buy it). In the preface of the book, he mentioned how his view of hope changed and he realized the importance of hope along with faith and charity. I want to learn more about hope and have greater understanding of it. I want to apply it into my life so that I can have greater hope for the future and exercise my faith.

"And if you have not faith, hope, and charity, you can do nothing." -Doctrine and Covenants 18:19 (Emphasis added)-

Not just faith and charity but hope also.

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Four Years Later

June 4, 2008. I entered the MTC. That was the beginning of one of the best time of my life.

Two years of my life as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Two years of my life as a return missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

What did I learn as a missionary?
What did I learn as a return missionary?

How have I changed as a missionary?
How have I changed as a return missionary?

A funny thing is that I just saw one of my MTC teachers who is still in school (but moving on with his life in a week). It's so weird to realize that time has gone by so fast.

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Nasty Earplug Incident

Just a quick update on my leg. I went and saw a doctor at the Student Health Center yesterday, but he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Instead, he gave me a list of neurologist I could see. I am going to wait few more days to see how it progresses. If it gets worse or doesn't get any better, I will have to go see a neurologist. I wasn't doing too great until I realized that stretching the hip joint eases the pain and I feel like it stops the pain altogether. Also, I found this image and it's the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve that kills me. Sooooo, I guess there's something wrong with that nerve.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you something kind of gross and funny. This morning I woke up with with these small round things in my mouth. At first I wasn't sure what they were but as I started to spit them out, I realized that they were spongy. I had no clue what was going on (still half asleep too) then I realized that I had something bigger by my right bottom molars. When I pulled it out, it was one of my earplugs that I use. Yep, all those spongy thingys were from the earplug which got chew into little pieces. It's OK. I am alive and 98% of the earplug is in one piece. I probably recovered 80% of that missing 2% so I don't know where the other 20% went... (Quiz: So how many percentage of the whole earplug did I consume? Answer: .4% That's not too bad...)

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