I will be writing in a first-person narrative because I want to really personalize it so that I can learn from this.
Sometimes I feel as Joseph Smith did:
"O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
"O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are, and who controllest and subjectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol—stretch forth thy hand; let thine eye pierce; let thy pavilion be taken up; let thy hiding place no longer be covered; let thine ear be inclined; let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us." -Doctrine and Covenants 121:1&4-
Where is God hiding? Why hasn't He helped me? What am I doing wrong? Will He help me?
This post isn't necessarily about my dating life. It is true that my dating life stinks but that's not the only thing that promotes me to complain to God. I hate complaining to God because I know that He loves me and that He is very mindful of me, but at times, I just need to rant and get it out of my system. I think it helps because I start to reflect on what I am doing in my life and to remind myself that His thoughts are not my thoughts.
What motivated me to write this post is some stuff I have to deal with my educational future and my stay in the US. It is really, really annoying thing and I simply am really stressed. I had to deal with this issue before but it is happening again so here's my rant about it. However, I feel like I am writing so that I can force myself to study the scriptures and read "
Mountains to Climb" by President Eyring.
Have you climbed a mountain? The only climbing I have done is hiking with little bit of rock climbing. Hiking is hard but I enjoy it. Do I enjoy trials in my life? Heck no. I feel like they are the most unnecessary and the most useless things ever. However, that's not what the Lord thinks of them.
“And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
“The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
“Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.” -Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9-
Trials are for my benefits and my experience but why does it have to be so hard? It seems like no one else will ever experience something so difficult and vexing. I know it's not the right way to think of trials because I do know that people feel exactly the same way about their trials; however, when I am facing these trials, that's all I can think about.
Have you prayed so hard and so fervently that you started to remember the words that Christ uttered in the garden of Gethsemane?
"And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
"He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done." -Matthew 26:39&42-
If it were possible for Christ to not go through the Atonement, the Savior would have taken it; however, there was no other way and He knew it. He stated that God's will is more important and acted according to God's will. Then I wonder, "What
is His will for me?"
President Eyring in his talk I mentioned above said the following about why we have trials:
"There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there."
Doesn't He love us? Doesn't He care for us? Yes, He does. I will never ever doubt that in my life. Whenever trials came in my life, I used to listen to the music that described exactly how I felt. These songs weren't exactly the best songs in the world to invite the Spirit but I felt better after listening to them. However, (very) recently, I started listening to Church hymns or songs. They invite the Spirit and give me lasting peace than the music I used to listen to. I think the main reason why I started listening to hymns is because I would pray once I get home. If I were to communicate with God, I need to be in tuned with the Spirit. It is much more effective when you feel the Spirit as you talk to God.
I don't know why I have trials in my life. I don't know what they want me to learn from them. I don't know how long I will have to suffer. I don't know when I will receive answers to my prayers. I don't know a lot of things. HOWEVER, I do know that my Father and my Savior love me. I know that they know what's good for me. All I can do when I have trials is to say, "Let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done."
"...Be still and know that I am God." -Doctrine and Covenants 101:16-
